Closing time.

Another year comes and another year goes just like that. 2012 is over. We wake up and realize suddenly another year is behind us. Where did all the time go we ask ourselves? Just add it to the list of questions I'm still searching answers for. There are some answers I've found over the last year though. I found that the more I know the more I realize how little control I have over time.  Time is an interesting concept because we can't stop it and we cant speed it up.   Even though there are countless times we've wished for it to stop. Like the day we find out someone close to us has died or is in the hospital.  The older I get the more I realize that we can't get it back either.  I've found out many times that hard way that you can only take people for face value. People come and people go popping in and out of our lives.  How many times have you known someone that you used to be close with but since times passed you realize you have nothing in common with them after all. Its happened to me before.  Think about all those past relationships or friendships that have been lost over a long period of time.  Time was in control. You begged and pleaded but it was useless. . How many times have you been waiting on someone to do something for you but it never happens. After awhile we learn that we can only count on few. Their are some people we let in and some we do our best to push away. The ones we let in call it luck, or call it fate. Maybe after all it was supposed to happen. Thats a question beyond me. When we let the right person in our lives time seems to stands still. You ask that person if it was supposed to happen that way but they are trying to find the same answer you are. They are so different than you but at the same time everything that you need. They give you hope that everything is going to be okay. You start to believe that it is going to be okay. You both come to realize that everything that we do in life is about timing. The people we meet and the people that we've lost. This pas year was a year about letting go of the wrong people in my life and letting the right people in. After awhile you'll know who is supposed to be in your life and who is not. The ones who you let in your life keep them close because you never know when they'll be gone. The beauty of life is to realize that people come and people go and the ones who we let in our the ones who will make all the difference.

Everyone's talking about change on the airwaves.

There comes a time in everyone's life when we are faced with making changes in our lives. We get tired of doing the same things over and over again but lets be honest change can be scary at times. The monotony sets in at the end of the day which leaves us begging for a something different. A new car, a new haircut, a new place to workout. You get the point.  Society tells us to pick a career once we graduate college and stay in that career until we retire and if we go a different route along the way we are judged and asked why we changed our minds.  The real question is if we desperately seek change in our lives then why does it scare us? Why are we so afraid of the unknown? is it just because of that, its the unknown? We dont know what may happen to us so we remain in the same position until the change is made for us. If you are anything like me then we like to plan our lives out on a certain time line.We set out goals for ourselves. We set in our mind an age when we'd like to get married. We set a goal at a certain age where  we'd like to own a house or condo but when that time comes and goes it leaves us asking many questions about ourselves. Are we doing something wrong?Why cant I find that person I'm supposed to be with? Am I with the right person? You know, the typical questions we ask ourselves when we doubt what we are doing with our lives.   Do we get too comfortable in our ways when something different comes a long we think we don't deserve it?  Sometimes the fear of change itself keeps us from growing. It keeps us from making new friends. It keeps us from forming a relationship because we are afraid of getting hurt again when we are more lonely now then we were before just because we are afraid of the unknown with that person. We also forget how powerful change can be as well. We get stuck in the same job for 5+ years then the job goes away and the change is made for you. Now you are faced with decisions you never thought you'd be faced with before and living comfortably seems like it was ages ago.  I'm learning how to embrace change and I'm also learning to accept the things in my life that I cannot change.  I can't change the fact that I've made mistakes in my past. I cant change the fact that I've lost touch with people who've I've called best friends over the years. I however can accept the fact that these people and circumstances in my life happened for a reason and overtime these things were supposed to happen. I've learned that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be right now in my life and so are you.   and I'm learning to accept that if I try to avoid change sooner or later its going to happen eventually if I like it or not and there's nothing that I can do about it.  There have been challenges in my own life where I haven't always embraced change the way I should have but looking back on those times I've always gained something positive out of that outcome. We can let the fear change control our lives or we can learn to accept it and deal with it when it comes knocking because change is always constant and nothing ever stays the same. I leave you with a favorite quote of mine from the movie Life As A House.  "You know the great thing, though, is that change can be so constant you don't even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don't even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away, make you something different in an instant. It happened to me."



 In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti.

Hard work

I look back on my life and I finally see how far I have come. I can finally say that I am happy where I am at. I do know that I will be faced with challenges in my life but the lessons that I've learned in the past have taught me to deal with situations so I do not make the same mistakes in my life. When you make the same mistakes over and over again you never truly allow yourself to learn from that mistake. I know that I'm never going to allow myself to jump into a relationship due to past behaviors. (Most of you know what I'm talking about) Sometimes when you are faced with adversity in life you learn to accept that everything isnt going to be the way that you want it early on.   We often try and hold on to the past, the good times, the bad times and everything in between. The funny thing though, the past doesnt necessarily have to define who we are as a person. Yes, it has a major role in how we handle situations but if you learn to be flexible in life then situations should be easy to deal with. Let go of the hurt, the pain and the frustrations because it will just eat you alive. We all have baggage but it all depends on how much we want to pack and carry with us. When we are faced with some adversity it makes you appreciate everything positive in your life that you have.  If we had it our way the whole time then life would be pretty boring. I know I dont want a boring life. I almost welcome the sign of a struggle. Not because I enjoy them but because it reminds me that I am only human and I do too myself have emotions.  I dont know about you but I've always learned something positive out of something that was weighing me down at the time. The most important lesson I've learned recently is too not be in such a hurry. Slow down and enjoy life for what its worth. When you rush things in life, you try to bend the pieces until you fix them exactly how you want them. Life isnt always about being the pieces I'm learning.  I'm not going to allow a negative situation define who I am. I've done that before. I made a whole life out of negative thinking. You get what you put out there. Life is way to short to be unhappy.  If we knew how the whole plan was going to be then we wouldn't have to work for what we wanted. Everything would be given to us. The sad thing is though, a lot of people just expect things out of life. I've worked really hard to get where I am and I find it frustrating when I see people just expecting things to be handed to them. Hard work does eventually pay off.  If we lived our lives knowing exactly what was going to happen to us then we would now what was going to happen to us. We would know who we were going to marry. We would know where we would want to call home. We wouldnt be afraid of accepting people into our lives because we would we would know that they would never hurt us.  When I look back on my life, I understand that nothing is perfect nor the friendships I have in it. I do know that I value those people in my life and I know that everyone has some sort of story to tell. Those stories add depth and value to the friendship.  I dont have a lot of money nor do I own a house or am I married but I can say that all that will come in time. True growth comes when we accept that we cant control everything we want out of life. We are always going to be faced with some time of adversity in or lives. The best part of life sometimes is just learning how to ride the wave until it crashes. When the wave crashes is when you have to get up and keep on moving. Life is full of struggles, theres no question about that.  Enjoy what you have. Someone else is always fighting much harder to survive than you.

I will not fear

Fear.

"a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid."

We all feel it, Some more than others. Its tucked away deep inside. Its the place where we hate going but often find ourselves. Its something that drives us and its something that haunts. It keeps us from loving and it has the ability to tear us apart. It makes us angry and we have a tendency to blame it on other people when it arrives It controls the way we feel about ourselves and the people who we interact with. Fear has a way of keeping us from growing emotionally, physically and spiritually. Fear controls us emotionally in many ways. We experience something traumatic in our lives and the fear keeps us from healing. Fear controls us physically we have to push ourselves during a workout, to run that extra mile, or do the extra 20 pushups or deadlifts. The "Church" tells us to fear god even when God is in us, around us and works through us. Fear is the unbelief. Its the opposite of believing in the good. Fear keeps away the important things we need in our lives, like love. I've met a lot of people in my life and I've sensed fear when interacting with them. We fear people who are powerful, people who use fear to control us, like politicians. We get stuck in our careers because we fear change, even though its a guarantee that the job we have now wont be around more than a couple of years. We are afraid to taking risks, like starting our own business when it has been a goal for a long time. We fear Doctors because we are afraid of hearing certain news that may bring us to our knees. We wake up every day with a sense of sadness because we are afraid of change in our lives. The sad thing is, the majority of us all fear a lot of things in life. Fear is something that drives me in my life even though I know better. I never knew how much I was afraid of fear until I started to pay attention to what I am really afraid of.. I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of disappointing others that I care about in my life. I'm afraid that as hard as I try it will be never good enough for myself and others. I'm afraid of falling in love again. I'm afraid that showing to much emotion as a male is looked at being "weak" when I believe showing emotion takes a lot of courage. I know there are a lot of things in my life that I am afraid of and if I wasn't honest with myself then I wouldnt have these feelings I'm having. I;m learning how to accept my fears and look each of them in the eyes and know that they wont control me. We are here not to be afraid and live in fear but to live life full of joy. Where ever you are in life, always remember when you fear something, acknowledge the fear but dont hold on to it because having a little fear in our lives can actually do us good. Its done a lot of good for me. I leave you with a poem.


Dear Lord,

I will not fear my darkest hour

For me, the Devil, he holds no power

God’s Son is my fortifying power

To Him, I release my cares

I do not worry about tomorrow

Legions of Hell cause me no sorrow

The strength I need, from Jesus, I’ll borrow

As God discharges all my fears

I know not what comes on tide

If it be smooth or bumpy ride

But my Savior knows and He’ll provide

Every little thing I need

And for you I openly pray

That He is with you all of this day

Put God first, and He will say

“My child you are my seed!”

Are we missing the point?

Life..

What is it to you?

I dont know about you but sometimes I think we are miss the point about what its really about. Sometimes I feel like we get caught up on the shit that just doesn't matter. You know the stuff that we really cant take with us when we kick the bucket. The stuff we carry inside us that holds us back. I know I am guilty about it from time to time but lately I've been asking myself do I live a meaningful life? Have I achieved everything I have said I wanted to do? I have found out that life isn't about being angry about the things we have missed out on. I have come to accept that. To me, life is about accepting the challenges that we are faced with, no matter what they are. I think within the last two years, I'm finally shaping into the person I've always wanted to be and getting there has been interesting to say the least. I know inside my head I struggle with the fact that I have a really hard time not comparing myself to others around me, and I bet you have the same problem as well. I know deep down that I am doing the best I can with what I have been given. I know in my life that things happen just the way they should of. I wasn't supposed to marry the person I was engaged too. I wasnt supposed to receive a job offer from the company I wanted to work for when I was out of a job. Sometimes negative things happen to us in our lives that actually benefit us in a positive way. Imagine that. Think about it for a second, I bet there was something negative that happened to you that you have come to realize that your life would of turned out completely different if had happened the way you wanted to at that time. There are somethings in my life that I have learned to accept and that is things always work out how they are supposed to and everything is going to be okay. It always is isnt it? I wake up every day trying to inspire the world around me. I do it in the way that I write, and the way that I take my photographs. You can tell a lot about sometime by the way they write. They are the thoughts/and emotions that come together to form the words you are looking at right now. I know sometimes I wonder where I get my passion to write because I reread some of the things I've wrote and I question if from time to time, did I really write this? There are billions of people in this world and we all have the ability to create the world we want around us. We attract things in our life that we think about.Sometimes people miss that though and they wonder why they are so angry with how their life has turned out. They go their whole life trying to figure it out. I have a job that takes me to a lot of various places around the country and challenges me emotionally and sometimes physically. I come in contact with a lot of different people. Its amazing how much you can learn about someone just by reading their body language. I have a habit of walking by someone when I am in an airport and asking to myself if they are happy. Its amazing when you can sense someones energy without even saying a word to them. You know, its that vibe you feel about someone when you first meet them. I am beyond blessed and grateful that I have had the opportunity to see some of the things I have seen. It makes me truly appreciate life. Sometimes I forget the true meaning of life though. Honestly, what is the true meaning? Is it the liquor for some people? is it the paycheck you take home every two weeks? is it the person you are with but don't love because you are just "comfortable" with, Is it the the hatred you have inside with yourself? The shit that we are faced with in our own personal lives sometimes can make it hard to wrap our head around. Its the shit that makes you question if there really is a God. I'm not here looking for a handout. I can tell you from my 27.5 years living on this planet that life isnt easy. I've been to some pretty dark places in my life that I never hope to return to but I believe those places have made me the individual I am today. So what type of life do you want to live? Remember to always find the good in someone and hold them to that standard. Challenge them, and inspire them because you may be the person that they need in their life.


In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti.

Connectors.

Have you ever met someone in your life and knew instantly something about them was different. They talked to you in a way like they already knew you. You felt like you could tell them anything and never hesitated opening up. You often struggle to pinpoint their type personality because they don't match any personality that you are familiar with but they tend to carry themselves in a way that makes you gravitate towards them. They make you want to be a better person than you are today. They have a welcoming sense to them. They are the ones who are somewhat misunderstood. They know they have a hard time fitting in with the "in crowd" and tend to have a hard time adjusting to what society tells them to do so they are used to doing things by themselves. They have been faced with some type of adverse situation in their life that separates them from the norm. The are the ones that you tell can tell your whole life story to without them judging you in a way that makes you feel less of a person. This type of person prefers smaller more intimate groups. They almost come across as a loner but the more you get to understand this person, they are leaders. They are leaders because they know they are different from the norm. They are used to doing things by themselves. They have a way of empathizing with people who may be struggling because they have found themselves struggling in life as well. This person is around us every day but they are often hard to find because they are typically reserved and dont go out of their way but once you interact with someone like this you know that the game of fate brought you together. These people we interact with dont stay long in our lives though. They stay for just enough time to help us understand who we are. This type of person I am describing is known as a connector. I am a connector. We have an ablity to connect and identify with many different groups of people. We have a unique way of telling you that everything is going to be okay no matter what you may be faced with. We have been faced with adversity in our own personal life along the way that makes us stand out. We know that the spirit of god is in us and around us which is why we have the ability to relate to someone who may be dealing with adversity themselves. The next time you meet someone who may be a little unique take a second and get to know them. They may be the person who is hear to show you who you are.

Rigmarole.

Rigmarole-

1. A lengthy and complicated procedure.

2. A long, rambling story or statement.

I hate you.

I hate how I've let you control me in my life..

I hate how I've let you win.

I feel empty when I am defeated by you.

I wake up every day and I wonder what you'll say to me.

Its a constant battle with you. Like a jump rope. Up down, Up down.
I go months and months without you making youre appearance and then you pop back into my head with a vengeance. You've allowed me to push people away. You helped me ruin a perfectly good relationship. You are the reason why I am still single. I'm afraid to get into another relationship even though I'm begging for someone to come into my life. Often, I hear you tell me that I;m never going to be good enough. Theres no need to try your best. It doesnt matter. I hear you tell me that shes way out of you're league. I hear you tell me that you will never break the shyness.. You've made me who I am. The good, and the bad and the ugly. You are the reason why I get weird looks when I dont speak in groups. I've accepted you in my life. I know that you arent going to go away anytime soon. We all have the voice I hear inside our heads. Some know how to ignore it better than others and some dont. I struggle with you every day.

365 days later and I'm still thanking you.

I've learned that sometimes our lives have to fall apart so we can put it back together the way we want. Sometimes it takes events that we are faced with that make us dig our heels into the ground and cling on to what we truly believe in, for me that is my faith. My faith in myself and my faith in God. It hasnt always been like that until this past year. The combination of the both have worked wonders in my life and sometimes I think to myself that its pure fucking magic how it can all come together when you least expect it too. I have a really bad habit at times falling into shit but have the ability to come out smelling like roses. Just when I thought I hit rock bottom in my life I've heard the voice in side my head say "Keep going" That voice doesnt come around often but when it does, we should pay attention to it. I know for a really long time I ignored it. I pushed it away. I was angry and I had a lot of internal things I was trying to sort out. I didnt care about myself nor did I really care about others. On the outside, you would of never of guessed I was dealing with this internal hatred that I was feeling. We can all act but at the end of the day we have to go to bed with ourselves. The voice inside that we hear sometimes is our spirit. Some peoples spirit have been burned which makes it difficult to hear during painful times.

365 days ago my life fell apart. I mean that in a emotional and spiritual standpoint. I hit a really low part in my life that I never want to revisit. Emotionally I truly believed I had it all. Looking back on it now it was nothing but denial and insecurity. Those two emotions can play some nasty tricks on us. For the ones who know what I am talking about, thank you very much for being in my life during that difficult time. For those who don't, keep on reading. In 2010 I was faced with a lot of different obstacles in my life. To give you a little background I was engaged to the person who I thought I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I thought I had someone who was my best friend. That all was just my vision and not hers. During that time I was unhappy with myself, I was struggling in more than one way financially. Sometimes we fall in love with the wrong people. We know they aren't right for us but we fall for them anyway. They are the people that give us trust issues. The ones who wreck us and make it hard to believe that we are wanted by someone else. They have "Red Flags" that we over look. We want to try and "fix" them but know that we cant. You convince yourself that its not that bad but deep down we are changing our core beliefs and molding into someone completely different. I was that person. I molded myself into someone that I hated. You can only run from yourself for so long until the rest catches up and when it catches up, you better be prepared. I was caught with my pants down around my knees!
In all honesty, 365 days later I wish I could thank her. She did a lot of good for me. She helped my face my own demons in my life that I was dealing with. She gave me the courage to face them. She taught me how to love someone and she taught me what it was like to deal with a heart breaking. She made me realize what I want and dont want in a partner. I know when I do eventually find someone I will not allow myself to jump into a relationship just because they are showing me attention. It will have to be for the right reasons. They have to be right for me. I do think that Everyone needs to have their heart broken just once. Nothing more than that though. The emotions that I faced during that time period literally brought me to my knees but they didnt break me. They made me stronger, wiser and smarter. I do know that the next person who I give my heart to will be thanking her also. Until then, Enjoy what you have and make sure its for the right reasons because dealing with a heart break is probably one of the most challenging things a human being can be dealt. If it does happen. Keep your head up and listen to that voice inside your head. The spirit will guide you through all along if you allow it.
May the joy be with you.

Humility and the walls around us.

Have you ever wondered what life would be like if we were a little more honest? Maybe we could change the way we feel about ourselves. Maybe we could admit to ourselves that we have been wrong. I've been wrong in my life many of times, I've made stupid decisions that have altered the way I look at situations but I have always admitted when I was wrong. If we were a little more honest with ourselves maybe we could forgive someone who has hurt us in the past who made a mistake. Maybe we could let go of our anger or hatred we have bottled up. Its only hurting us more. Maybe we could find the courage we are looking for to leave someone who is abusive. Have you ever met someone who no matter what, has to be right all the time? It makes me wonder why they have to be right. They are fueled with a vengeance to put their opinions on you. Who wants to be around a person like that? I'd rather meet someone who is able to tell me they were wrong than have someone tell me a lie just because they want to be right in their own head. Sometimes its okay to admit we are wrong. There is a big difference between someone who knows they are right and someone who assumes they are right. The latter one will do anything to make sure they are right. They will lie to you. They will talk behind your back. They will hold you back in life. These are not the kind of people who you want to associate yourself with. The sad thing is, the more we take a step and look who we associate ourselves with these types of people are in our lives daily. They may be a boyfriend/girlfriend. They may be a parent. The boss that makes you hate your job. Human relationships can be tough to digest at times. Sometimes we become comfortable with people in our lives when we are screaming in the inside the exact opposite. They may affect us negatively but we still keep them in our lives because we are afraid of being alone. When we are lonely we reach out for anyone to give us attention. . Have you ever met someone who came into your life who had a wall up? you know something is bothering them but how dare ask them whats wrong. They are full of anger and sadness of what has happened to them. You try and ask them but they shy away from the truth. They are afraid of being honest with themselves. I find that its hard to be honest with myself. Its a daily struggle. Its a lot easier to do something half assed than to do it the right way. There are many reasons why we put walls up to keep people out. Sometimes its because we have been hurt by an ex boyfriend/girlfriend.It makes it a little more harder to open up. Sometimes its what our parents have said or not said. It could be something that someone did to you 10 years ago. I've come to realize that our thoughts and feelings often get hurt and it takes a lot of undoing to make it right. I know We put up walls because we have been hurt in the past. Its like we want people to prove to us that they arent going to hurt us. Sometimes that makes it a little more difficult instead of taking someone for who they are. Theres a big risk in doing that but if that person has integrity and courage then they are in your life for the right reasons. Its hard because we have make judgements every day about people. The next time you meet someone, listen to that voice in the back of your head. Its always right.

Body Armor

Body armor. It protects us and sometimes it also holds us back. We go through life sometimes wearing a great deal of it. Covered from head to toe in it. It stops us from making new friends, moving to a new area or even applying for a new job.. We become comfortable in it. It adds extra weight and the majority of the time it truly slows us down.. Every night we go to bed we know we should take it off but that thought scares us so we leave it on. It weighs every on our heart when we roll out of bed. Our armor we wear, keeps us apart from the one we love. It distances us from the ones we care the most about. Some of the hardest challenges we face in life our the challenges we face with ourselves. We will never grow, or learn to love until we are able to take our body armor off. Once we find the courage to take it off, it leaves us feeling vulnerable. We associate vulnerability with fear. We are afraid of the unknown. The true reality of life is that the unknown always staring us in the face. Once the armor comes off it feels like pouring salt on to an open wound. It burns at first but the pain soon subsides and you realize its not as bad as you thought. We are creatures of habit and routine is our enemy. How many times do you feel like you are wearing some type of body armor?Have you missed out on something you wish you would of set out to do? I know I have. How many times have you felt it holds you back? Life's greatest opportunities are often missed because we are afraid. We are afraid of challenging ourselves. We would much rather be comfortable with how things are than to push forward through the pain we often feel when times are tough. I dont know about you but it takes true courage and will power to take off the body armor that we wear.

Crossfit, life and what it means to me

Sometimes life takes us to places that we never imagined ourselves going. . Sometimes it can be painful and sometimes it can be the best experience we've have ever imagined. We are all faced with challenges and obstacles in our lives. We all search and want some type of outlet. Some people find their outlet through artwork, music, or working out. Some of the challenges we face can be more than we can handle. They seem huge at first and damn near impossible to achieve. We are often pushed and pulled in multiple directions in life and we want to make the right one. We make decsions that hurt people and we are hurt by others. You are probably thinking what does this have to do with crossfit? Well, to me, it has everything to do with crossfit. Crossfit isnt just a "workout" to me, its a part of who I am. When I first was introduced to crossfit, I had no clue what I was getting myself into and I had no clue how much it was going to transform my life. I really had no clue that I would meet some of the most inspirational people in my life. I had no clue that I would be able to do handstand pushups, and I had no clue that I would be able to introduce crossfit into someone elses life. Most important, I never knew how far I could push myself without giving up, Finding that was an unbelievable experience. I know now how hard I am able to push myself which I related to all levels in my life not just in a crossfit workout. Life is hard, crossfit is hard, there is no joke about the two. They both push you. They challenge you to give everything you have..and more than you thought you had..

Thats the great thing about life, change is never constant and it never stays the same. The same thing about crossfit. Each workout is totally different from day to day. One day a workout can consist of 100 burpees for time a long with max weight back squats. When you do a burpee, you literally throw yourself towards the ground and kick your legs back and do a pushup. It isnt fun.. At first, there is pain, just like in life, after a horrible breakup you feel pain you never thought you could experience. Your arms want to give out. The sweat runs down your face. You struggle with your emotions to work through the workout, just like dealing with a breakup.. After 30 burpees constantly, the pain isnt that bad..Its there but not as strong. You tell yourself only 70 more to go..only 20.. I can do this. When we expirence pain, we literally have to physically and mentally dig our heals into the ground and work through it. Sooner or later the pain will end. When the pain does end you realize, hey that wasnt that awful, maybe I can do this. You gained a sense of accomplishment, you struggled through it but you finished.

Most of the crossfit worksouts are named after women. One of my favorite workouts to do is called "Fran". "Fran" is 21-15-9 of Thrusters and Pullups. 21 reps, 15 reps..you get the idea. The prescribed weight for men is 95 and women is 65..but the good thing about crossfit if you cant lift that much weight, you scale it to your own ability, Just like in life, we scale things all the time. You think to yourself here goes nothing when the clock beings, workouts are based on time so you push yourself as fast as you can.. Usually each workout there are 4-5 people workout out with you.The group workout aspect of it is unbelievable. When I throw that barbell above my head as fast as I can, there are times when I just want to quit. Screw this and walk away then I hear someone yelling "GO, Keep going, you got it" I pick back up the bar, and I keep going. One more, two more, three more..the first 21 is over..Eventually the workout is finished and you feel like you are going to die but you realize what you just did and its one of the best feelings in the world. Yes, it may not be the best time or the most weight but the drive to finish in itself is what crossfit is all about and life. We all have goals, some little some big. In crossfit there are goals, just like in life.


I am amazed at my abilities as a person, inside the box and outside the box. I am happy, I am strong and I love who I have become the last two years. I am crossfit. The people I have met are truly amazing. You know who you are. You have changed my life more than you know. I appreciate it. Thank you.


3-2-1..GO.



.

Appreciation.

"It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not"

The older I get, the more I realize I am my own worst enemy. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to my profession, my family, and my friends. I find myself constantly trying to meet deadlines, and promises that I have made with myself and the ones I care about.I try to plan things that I want to happen in my life. I have lost contact with what I have once called my best friends. I've made mistakes in my life that I carry over my head. I've settled for the wrong reasons with the opposite sex which has left me feeling bitter. I have let people down, and I have hurt people. I am human and it happens. I wanted to get married at a certain time period in my life, that didn't happen. I wanted to be a home owner at a certain age, that hasnt happened yet. The more I realize I want things to happen the way I want them too, they don't happen. Imagine that. I now find myself looking around and understand that life is meant to be a journey and not a race. I am a planner, I like to know how I'll get from point A to point B. Life isn't always about having a plan. Yes, they do come in handy but its okay not to be in the right direction all the time. Some of the most valuable lessons in life can be learned by accidentally taking a detour in life. I know in my life, I have took many detours along the way but have found myself back on the right path. I have seen some dark tunnels along the way and have questioned at that time in my life why I was struggling. The one thing I have never lost track of, is my faith. It has kept me going in times I didn't think I could go on. My faith has told me to push a little harder, to not give up when that's all I felt like doing. It's told me to keep my head up and hold back my emotions in difficult times. It's made me more a believer now than I ever have been.

Sometimes I get caught up in things that don't matter. Sometimes a phone call can change that. You start to value the words "I love you more". You appreciate everything that you have had help with and you appreciate the things you have lost. With out the loss, you wont know what you truly had. You start to appreciate the simple things in life, black coffee, a spring rain shower, or a summer thunderstorm. When I was younger, I thought life was about getting ahead, doing what I had to do to get the job done, regardless how I felt about it. Now I realize life isnt about getting ahead. I'm not trying to get ahead of the person next to me. Instead, I'm trying to help them succeed in their dreams. I'm not trying to take home the biggest paycheck. I'm not trying to win the race. Now I'm trying to encourage the person I'm running next to, to keep going. I dont care what size of house I will own someday, or the car I drive. What I am trying to do is be the best human being I can be and sometimes, I find that hard to do. I find myself struggling and when I do, I've learned to take a deep breath and remind myself to surround myself with positive people in my life. I know I am here for a reason and that reason is to connect with people. To inspire them, and to help them through the struggles we face in life. I take a deep breath and give thanks to the lord above for blessing me. I could of been born with a deformity, I could of been born with a missing leg. I could of been a victim of abuse but I was not. I come from a loving family. Sometimes all we need to hear from someone else is that they care. Sometimes people can say something that you have been needing to hear, A compliment, words of advice, or someone just saying they were thinking about you today. Take a moment, and appreciate where you are in life because that moment in life is exactly where you should be.

Honest direct and to the point.

There comes a time in our lives when we reach pivotal points. We wake up and realize a lot of things that once mattered, don't anymore. People's problems you once listened to goes in one ear and out the other and you say to yourself why are you wasting my time. You once thought that getting ahead in life was what you wanted but all along all you wanted was security. You realize that YOU are in control of your own thoughts and emotions and not the other way around. You know that you don't need someone to make you complete, rather just want someone to share company with. After a while, you learn to accept that people are going to hurt you. They will lie to you and talk behind your back and learn when to trust someone and when not to. You realize that life really sucks at times and you are going to fail at some point in your life and its going to be okay. Sometimes failing at something is the best thing that can happen to someone. I've failed at many things in my life and all of my failures have lead me to better things. Sometimes when you fall in shit you actually come out smelling like roses. Its happend to me on countless times. The feeling of being invisible slowly starts to wear off that leaves you with a bitter taste in your mouth. Getting drunk and waking up next to someone becomes less appealing to you when you realize that you never understood why you did this in the first place, maybe it was to fill void. You avoid relationships that you know will suck the life out of you because they are unhealthy. The test you studied so hard to get an A on, you actually failed. The job offer you thought you had, wasnt offered. The person you thought you were going to marry, ends up cheating on you. The person you started to have feelings for just stops talking to you without any rhyme or reason. We all have these points in our lives and they shape us into who we are today. They are going to hurt and its going to cause alot of painful emotions when they do happen. Its a part of life but they challenge us to make ourselves a better person. I have learned that there are only two choices in life and those are, to accept that things are going to happen to you regardless or to sit around and wonder why this has to happen to me. We are not here to become victims of our circumstances. I know that there are some people that say oh just another blog by jeff. I'm not here to make you feel good about yourself I dont care about that. Thats not the point why I write what I write.I write because I want to challenge you as a person. I want you to think in ways that you havent before. I write because I hope to make a difference in this world and maybe what I have been faced with in my life will make you understand that everything that you are going through in your life right now is going to be okay. The pain you may be feeling about something in your life will pass. Understand that its happening to you for a reason..

leave when there is still hope for escape.

I never really understood how hard it is for someone to tell them how they feel. You just say it. Why would you want to live a life where you didnt say what you mean? Maybe that's what separates me from a lot of people that I come across. I am totally aware of my feelings and thoughts. The thoughts you think become feelings.. Its really not that hard. I never understood why people cant just be honest with the way they are feeling. You meet someone new, you go on a couple dates with them. You start to realize that this person has a lot of potential to be more than just a "friend" You allow yourself to open up to this person. They open up to you as well and then all of a sudden they turn off their feelings, Just like that. No rhyme or reason. They start distancing themselves from you and you start to pick up on it. You want to know the real reasons why but they will never tell you so you justify the things you know about yourself. I have learned from past experiences you cant force someone to stay. If they want to go, let them go. I just never understood the reasoning behind ignoring someone. I get the idea that she wasnt into me as much as I was into her. Thats okay. Thats the great thing about life. You are attracted to some more than others. The key point here is just tell them instead of letting them hang out to dry. Just be honest with me to my face. Its all I asked for from the start. I guess the definition of honesty is open for discussion. Here are a couple things to think about.

Dont tell someone they are amazing when you dont mean it.
Be honest with your feelings.
Act your age
Have the consideration to tell someone its just not working out.
Treat others the way you would want to be treated.

Self Truths

1. I will hold back the need to "fix" another person and let them be who they are.
2. Every day I will practice gratitude where ever I am.
3. I will try my best to keep an open mind. Someone else has another view point also.
4. I will do my best at whatever I set out to accomplish in my life.
5. I will channel my negative energy and focus on the good things I have in my life.
6. My family is my rock, without their support in life I wouldn't be who I am today.
7. I wont take my life so seriously, I will laugh more and not take things so personally.
8. I am a person of values and morals that I will not trade in.
9. I wear my heart on my sleeve, its who I am. I've tried to change that but I realize I cant change who I am.
10. I truly enjoy the path I'm traveling on. Its not easy but it makes me appreciate life more and more every day.



What are yours?

Crossfit and Faith

****I did not write this but it applies directly to my life***

Faith takes vision to see what can happen or what you can become…as with CrossFit. “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Both the task of working out and walking in faith require us to have a vision of what could become if we step into our glory and be all that God created us to be.

CrossFit will take you into areas you wouldn’t go by yourself…as will faith. I don’t know about you but unless I have a trainer or someone who is going with me in this journey, I wouldn’t just go there by myself. Lack of discipline, maybe. Lack of knowledge, in part. Inability to put all of the pieces together on my own, absolutely. The CrossFit program will take you into an area with techniques and skills that are proven to work. It’s not uncharted area. The walk of faith is the same thing. There is a multitude of saints who have gone before us and found the results of their journey to be beyond their wildest expectations. Faith takes vision…the ability to see beyond the reality of today. Sometimes this is the ability to see beyond the image in the mirror to what we can become.

CrossFit will lead you past the point of quit to see that you are stronger than you thought…as will faith. I’ll be honest, I would have quit half way through each of my timed work outs. Not because I wanted to be a quitter but simply because I didn’t believe I could make it to the end. If I was doing these alone, I might have pushed myself but when the pain began to take over and my head is saying “bail..bail now, you’ve done enough”…I would probably listen to the voice and stop. Stopping short of realizing that I am actually strong enough to finish. Yes, 60% of the way through the workout my body is screaming at me but when I finish there is a huge sense of accomplishment and pride that I actually finished. Here is where the principle of a cord of two or three is stronger that a cord of one. When we work out together or with a trainer we can be lead past the point of “quit” to realize we have what it takes. Walking the journey of faith is exactly the same. When we walk our journey with others, even if only one or two people, we will be stronger and be able to push past those points of quit when the enemy is screaming that we don’t have what it takes. Remember, God created you and me, NOT the accuser. God knows how He created us and knows He has prepared us for the journey He has called us to. This takes faith.

CrossFit will leave you uncomfortable but not broken…as will faith. A good trainer will leave you uncomfortable but will not push you to the point of breaking where injury occurs. The journey of faith is tough. There will be times of discomfort…and times of extreme discomfort. One thing I do know is that The One who calls us to this journey of faith, He will not crush us or allow us to be broken.

Faith takes vision to see what can happen or what you can become…as with CrossFit. “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Both the task of working out and walking in faith require us to have a vision of what could become if we step into our glory and be all that God created us to be.

CrossFit will take you into areas you wouldn’t go by yourself…as will faith. I don’t know about you but unless I have a trainer or someone who is going with me in this journey, I wouldn’t just go there by myself. Lack of discipline, maybe. Lack of knowledge, in part. Inability to put all of the pieces together on my own, absolutely. The CrossFit program will take you into an area with techniques and skills that are proven to work. It’s not uncharted area. The walk of faith is the same thing. There is a multitude of saints who have gone before us and found the results of their journey to be beyond their wildest expectations. Faith takes vision…the ability to see beyond the reality of today. Sometimes this is the ability to see beyond the image in the mirror to what we can become.

CrossFit will lead you past the point of quit to see that you are stronger than you thought…as will faith. I’ll be honest, I would have quit half way through each of my timed work outs. Not because I wanted to be a quitter but simply because I didn’t believe I could make it to the end. If I was doing these alone, I might have pushed myself but when the pain began to take over and my head is saying “bail..bail now, you’ve done enough”…I would probably listen to the voice and stop. Stopping short of realizing that I am actually strong enough to finish. Yes, 60% of the way through the workout my body is screaming at me but when I finish there is a huge sense of accomplishment and pride that I actually finished. Here is where the principle of a cord of two or three is stronger that a cord of one. When we work out together or with a trainer we can be lead past the point of “quit” to realize we have what it takes. Walking the journey of faith is exactly the same. When we walk our journey with others, even if only one or two people, we will be stronger and be able to push past those points of quit when the enemy is screaming that we don’t have what it takes. Remember, God created you and me, NOT the accuser. God knows how He created us and knows He has prepared us for the journey He has called us to. This takes faith.

CrossFit will leave you uncomfortable but not broken…as will faith. A good trainer will leave you uncomfortable but will not push you to the point of breaking where injury occurs. The journey of faith is tough. There will be times of discomfort…and times of extreme discomfort. One thing I do know is that The One who calls us to this journey of faith, He will not crush us or allow us to be broken.

Its that sort of thing that makes you loose your objectivity

We all want it. We are often afraid of it. "its too good to be true" as we start to dismiss it. It gives some people meaning in their lives. We put up walls to keep it out and push it away rather than accept it. We say we don't deserve it. We get hurt only to do it over and over until we find it. Its a song an dance. A little to the left and a roll to the right. Two Steps forward and one step back. We strive for it and let ourselves down when we realize its not what we thought. It gives us the power to grow, emotionally, sexually, and physically. It can even kill us. Some people express it in all the wrong ways. It can bring two people together and it can tear two people apart. Its an emotion that we struggle to express. We all communicate it in a language that may be different from another. We focus on it until we loose our objectivity. Some are lucky enough to find it and some are searching for it all their lives. When you find it, hold on to it but never hold it tight because it takes a lifetime to find and seconds to watch it fall apart. Take a second to tell someone you love them and mean it. All of this could be over before you know it. It gives me meaning for my life because I've been blessed to experience it and share it. If you are waiting for it I hope you find it. If you have found it, You are one of the lucky ones. I'm still waiting for it, I've had it and Ive lost it but I know it will find me again. Let it in, accept it, its the most powerful emotion that two people share.

Brick Walls

Thoughts, feelings, and emotions make up who we are and sometimes our thoughts are different than our feelings. We say one thing and do another. We make promises with people, then we find ourselves breaking them. I have always believed that actions speak louder than words. You can tell someone that you will be there for them, but they wont believe it until you prove yourself. Sometimes words are useless. Why is that? We go through life having to prove who we are. Why cant we just accept people for who they are? Is it because we are all so jaded? So cynical?All it takes is one person to crush someones dream. They will never think the same way ever again. How often do you hear someone tell someone they cant do something? You have a choice, do believe them or dismiss what they have to say. As humans, we usually believe what people tell us about ourselves. I know when someone tells me I cant do something it gives me more motivation to achieve what they told me I could not do. Yet again, it goes back to my theory, We feel like we have to prove something to someone. We are told by society whats right and whats wrong rather than looking within ourselves and finding the truth. That's where you will find it. Who cares about reality tv? Who cares about all the famous people in the world. I dont. We are told how to dress, what to eat, what to think. We are told how to feel. We replace love with meaningless sex because we are afraid of being intimate. Intimate with our own thoughts, feelings and with someone else.

Once someones hurts us we put up walls. Walls that are often hard to tear down. It takes years to build trust but only seconds to break it. We all have walls. Some are thicker than others. Some are easier to tear down when we meet a certain person that looks at a certain way. We have all been through situations where we have been hurt. Nobody wants to be hurt. We put ourselves on pedestals all the time. We set high standards for ourselves but often time come up way short. People push and pull us in many different ways. How many times have you heard someone say something to you and you found out they meant something totally different? Sometimes there's a huge disconnect between our thoughts and emotions. We feel disappointed when we find out they did something that let us down. Feel what you are feeling but do not let it consume you. Accept it but let it go. The more you focus on it. The more you get it. Right now I am feeling anxious and I'm finding it hard not to dwell on it. The more I dwell on it, the more I find myself thinking about it. You finally find a person that you like. One that can ease the memories of an ex. You go on a couple dates and make it official. you now find yourself in a relationship but you are scared to give yourself like you did last time because you were burned. The more you get to know them, the easier it is to slowly take down the wall you build up over the years of unhealthy fucked up relationships you never thought you would find yourself in but you do. You put yourself out there and hope that this person will make you a better person than the person you are.

Nothing ever stays the same.

What would you do if you were told you had 1 week left to live? What would you do? What would you say? Who would see? Who would you forgive? Would you finally learn to forgive yourself? we walk around this life full of guilt and shame. Would you come clean about the affair you are having with your wife? Would you mend the anger you have towards your family? You have 1 week. 1 week to complete the life you have you have always wanted. Would you say your goodbyes? Close your eyes and take a moment. Take a deep breath, pretend thats the last one you take. Cherish it. More important how would you want to be remembered? Could you say you knew who you were? Did you live a life full of passion? were you honest with yourself? Were you the best person you could be?or did you live a life full of anger and regrets? We go through life making choices that are hurtful. You only have one life. The lap around the track will be over someday and the life you live isnt about being angry with one another. Its about accepting who you are as an individual. Its about creating who you are. Creating an environment where you feel safe with the one you love. We are constantly changing. Nothing ever stays the same, even though it may seem like it at the current moment. Sooner or later it changes. Change is scary. Imagine the couples who have been married for 35+ years and one day they are gone. Imagine getting that phone call that we all fear. He didnt make it in that accident. We dont know what to expect in this life at times. We plan, We save, We fall in love, We build a family. We suffer. Its hard not to let your anger rule your life. Life is all about making the best out of every situation you are faced with. Enjoy it. So if you had 1 week left, what would you do? Would you watch that sunset one last time? Would you feel the rain fall on your face? Would you have one last meal with all of your close friends and family?We all want to be remembered as a good person no matter what we do in life. Nobody wants to be remembered as a bad person. How many funerals have you been to when you heard someone say "they were a good person and they said what they meant" Thats how I want to be remembered. I want to live a life with integrity. I may say things that will be hurtful but I will always try to be honest with myself and my feelings. . I dont know when my time will be up. I dont know how it will happen but I can say to myself that I've lived my life to the fullest. I have learned that life is way to short. The people we care about are always taken from us when we least expect it. We cheat death and are given a second chance.We are here to experience everything that we have to offer. Everybody has a story and everybody wants to tell that story. Some people wait their whole life to be heard and the opportunity I have done some stupid things that I probably shouldnt of. I fell in love, I felt what a broken heart feels like. I accomplished goals that I set. So what would you do if you had 1 week left?

Wants vs Needs.

You wake up one morning and you realize what you want in your life is different than what you need. Many people get this confused. They confuse what they want in life vs what the truly need. We all fall victim to this but the point is to realize it. Most of the time our lives are very boring. We wake up to a alarm clock. You're feet hit the floor and its off to piss and take a shower. It makes you wonder how many times you have done it over your life time. The same goes with relationships. We often find ourselves entering relationships purely out of getting what we think we want. The most loving person in a relationship is the most self centered. Sometimes what we think we want, isnt what we want after all. It may take a week, or several months to realize it. Hindsight is such a powerful tool. Instead of expecting to get something out of the relationship, we should put what we want into it. If you put anger from past relationships in to the relationship sooner or later you will find yourself being in a relationship full of anger. Same goes for jealousy as well. Who wants that? Life is about sharing the joy and love that you have to offer someone. We want people in our lives and what we dont realize, the harder we want someone in our life we end up pushing them away. There should be a fine line between creating an environment that is fulfilling for both people in the relationship. Sometimes, we fall in love with the wrong type of people. We fall in love with these people because they are "broken" and damaged. We think we can fix these people. We try, try and try to make it work but sometimes the pieces that are broken don't fit into the box that we have inside our heads. The harder you try to "Fix" that person the more it becomes just an addiction. An addiction to please, and addiction to feel wanted and loved when in reality we are only truly hurting ourselves. I have been there and I have done it. I have wanted to fix and I have wanted to please. In the end, it caused the death of what we thought was good. It wasnt good at all. It was unhealthy and suffocating. It however was a learning process of connecting the dots to realize that we cant fix anyone else but ourselves. With that said, I believe that we are often afraid of our feelings. We make excesses to deny what we are feeling. Nobody can change the way that you feel. We often use words that are meaningless. Words are just words and thats all they will ever be. We use words to get us by. We say things we don't mean, We say things we often sometimes regret. I believe the only way to live life to the fullest is to connect what you are feeling to what you are saying. If you are feeling sad, feel it. Accept it but never ever dwell on it. The more you focus on being angry, the more angry you become, its the law of attraction simply put. You only have one life to live. It doesnt alot for the life you live to be over. When you put your feelings into thoughts then you create emotions. Emotions are often powerful and we find ourselves questioning our emotions all the time because its something that we are never taught. So what do you need in your life and what do you truly want out of life? Do you need someone or do you truly want them in your life, thats half the battle of living life to the fullest.