2010: A year of..

2010 was a year of personal growth that pushed me far beyond my own personal limits and challenged me in many ways that I never want to experience again but what I learned out of it I will take with me through the journey that I am on. In 2010 I fell in love with a girl. I dove in headfirst thinking everything was going to work out only to find out that I was way wrong and should of listened to my own dad in the first place. Dads are always right, and they know whats best for their son. A year ago today, I was engaged and madly in love and on top of the world.. Today, I'm single and loving who I have become through this process of awareness. Looking back on this year, and especially the relationship that I was in I learned that there are some people who we come in our lives only to teach us a lesson and thats it. We may not know what the lesson right when we are struggling the most. Some of the most important lessons are learned months after a horrible breakup, loss of a best friend or a job loss. I was lucky enough to expirence all three of these things in the matter of months of eachother. When you are stripped of everything you have it makes you put your own life into perspective. I promise you, you will have your "ah ha" moment and look back with clarity and find the answer you are looking for. It may take alot longer than you hoped for but it will happen. I learned that the relationship would of failed anyway if we would of stayed together. I was saved by the grace of god, and fact that she left me, probably one of the best things she could of done for me. I got to expirence what a true loss feels like. Next time I loose something I will know how to prepare myself. I know when I am ready to give my heart away to the next lovely lady that comes into my life, she will be thanking her also. Call it selfishness or confidence, its only the truth. Some people are delt a bad card and are faced with horrific tramtic expereinces in their lifes. I have learned that you cant fix other people. We can offer adivce but it is truely up to each individual person to fix themselves. You cant control other peoples thoughts and emotions. They are going to think what they think and do what they want regardless of what you think. Yes, you can try and sway their opinions but in the long run, they are the ones who are faced with the decisions they have to make in their life. 2010 was a year that I struggled financially also. Due to my massive paycut I received from my last employer and my pride standing in the way I allowed my credit to take a massive tumble.I should of asked for help when help was needed instead of ingoring the issues that I was faced with. I will never own another credit card in my name if I dont have to0. I will never allow the deninal of putting a purchase on a credit card if there isnt cash to pay it off. We think we can just borrow and pay it off. When you keep borrowing and dont pay it off the mountain becomes so massive and the grief becomes so strong that you dont sleep at night. Trust me, I've been there.

There was alot that I did however gain out of this year of challenges.I grew as a pilot, I had the opportunity to fly with a captain that let me make msitakes in the cockpit. He helped me gain the confidence I needed in order to fly a jet aircraft. We were coworkers but I gained a friend out of it as well. He knew my limits as a person, and as a pilot. He saw me at my worst when my relationship fell apart. He pushed me togo farther than my comfort zone. He taught me how to fly an instrument approach down to weather mins and land with people in the back wondering when we would break out of the soup. However the most important thing he taught me over the past 2.5 years was to be safe. If you think something isnt right, it probably isnt. I am ready to take what I learned from my captain to my next employer, whoever that will be. I make a good pilot, a good employee and a great person to travel with. I gained more respect for my parents. They saw me at my worst. The lowest I have ever been in my life.They saw my life fall apart, and they watched me put it back together. They watched me grow and struggle through something that everyone at one point is faced with. Without their love and advice, I wouldnt be half the person I am today. I love you guys and I'm truely sorry you saw me like you did this past year. I grew emotionally, spirtiually, and physically in my life. I can now handle alittle rejection in my life. Once you have been totally rejected, it wont be so bad the second time around it happens. I grew spirtually in ways that are beyond me. I allowed my faith to carry me through the darkest of my days. My faith in god was never questioned. I allowed God to work through me and in me. I learned how important the Law of Attraction is and how it effects your life on a daily basis. What you put into the world is what you get back. Very simple and very true.


I dont know what 2011 will bring me but I know that I will be able to handle what life throws at me. Thank you everyone who watched me grow into who I am as a person. Without your advice and courage to keep going I would be lost. You know who you are. I dont have to list any names because alot of people came into my life when I need people in my life the most. The challenges that I was faced with allowed me to grow as a person. It allowed me to love, suffer and grow. What ever you are faced with in your life, keep going. Never loose your faith in yourself and I promise you, you will come out the other side a much better person than before. Thats how it works.


Heres to whats in store for 2010..

Goodbye 2010.

Never Give Up

No matter where your life takes you, Never give up. No matter how dark it is keep moving forward. Sometimes the only way out of something is through it and there is nothing wrong with batting down the hatches and riding the wave ashore.Let the wave carry you. During your life time you will be faced with many challenges and many opportunities that will pull you in different directions. Some of those challenges will make you scratch your head and say "You've got to be shitting me"You will look back and realize that moment you were at the darkest part of your life.You were supposed to be there, you were supposed to learn from that situation you were faced with. When you see yourself doing something over and over again, you never allowed yourself to learn. This part in your life is actually when you are the strongest. Your faith will be tested. You will need to remember these moments in your life. Hold them close to you so when you are faced with adversity, you will know how to handle it and realize its not as bad as it really is. Nothing is. We are here to create moments in our lives. We are here to share the feelings of love, and joy not hurt and anger. Those feelings will leave you feeling even more helpless. The challenges you face will always sneak up on us and blind side you on a Thursday afternoon. Some of the challenges will actually be decisions that will already be made for you if you like it our not. You will be forced to leave every option open because when you limit yourself, you wont allow yourself to grow emotionally, spiritually, and physically in our life. The human spirit will take you in directions you never thought it would if you would allow it. We will be faced with temptation and greed, the two worst things that haunt humans. The more temptation you are faced with, the more you will have, same thing with greed. They manifest themselves in your life without you knowing until you realize how greedy you have become. When you loose everything in your life. The one you love, a job, money, it was all because of your greed. When you are stripped from everything you will be forced to listen to that voice inside your head. "How did I allow myself to get here" Okay, my lifes falling apart but I caused it to happen". The challenges that we face are not a sign of weakness. Its a sign of spiritual strength. When we are down on ourselves many people say "God why did you create this for me" People will call it a weakness but it is within you to look at it as a Strength. All Challenges in your life that you have dealt with are a sign of your inner strength. The strength that will carry you through the darkest hour of your life. The world may be falling down around you but you have to trust yourself that everything will be okay and there is always a lesson out of everything.

loneliness

I often feel when I take a step forward in life I take two steps backwards sometimes. Life throws us curve balls when we least expect it. I have come to the realization that will happen to us in our lives is going to happen no matter what. We cant worry about loosing our jobs because it is going to happen sooner or later. Why worry about things we have no control over. We want to feel like all the hard work we have done is worth something but when you get the notice you no longer have a job, it makes you second guess everything you have worked for. You start to go into survival mode. When we get laid off of a job for something that wasnt an employees fault it makes it even more bitter sweet when youre time is up at the work place. No more working with the people you once knew. To me, looisng your job is like loosing a relationship. . I think sometimes we get too comfortable with our jos. We wake up and expect to see a paycheck in our bank account. We do the same thing over and over again. I am faced with a new challenge and a new adventure ahead of me.

I know I have been blessed with an overwhelming sense of empathy. I don't know if its just me being aware of what is going on, but I get it. I have been told time after time that I am the kind of person you feel like you have known just after meeting me. I want people to feel accepted becuase in my life I struggled with accepting myself. When you finally accept yourself for who you are, you become secure. You arent afraid of trying new things and you see things in a different light. It almost makes you feel like a different person when you reach the point of acceptance. Nothing really matters. You arent effected anymore by other people and you can no longer control what people think or want. I know everyone has a story and everyone wants to be heard. We go through life talking about what we want. We all want to feel loved and accepted. I occasionally meet people who have never been married and have no kids and I have to say, it makes them a little aloof. I'm sure you think the same thing also. I dont understand why people push away from intimacy when we sit here and beg for it all the time. Thats one thing I will never be able to wrap my head around. We all want to be intimate but the reality is many people dont know how to handle intimate situations or conversations. I think we have to just allow ourselves to be loved by another human being. I mean, deep down, who really wants to be alone? loneliness is probably one of the worst feelings to have especially around the holidays. We all are given a gift and that gift is life. We can do whatever we want with it and we can become whoever we want.