Sunday, September 11, 2011

Rigmarole.

Rigmarole-

1. A lengthy and complicated procedure.
2. A long, rambling story or statement.

I hate you.

I hate how I've let you control me in my life..

I hate how I've let you win.

I feel empty when I am defeated by you.

I wake up every day and I wonder what you'll say to me.

Its a constant battle with you. Like a jump rope. Up down, Up down.
I go months and months without you making youre appearance and then you pop back into my head with a vengeance. You've allowed me to push people away. You helped me ruin a perfectly good relationship. You are the reason why I am still single. I'm afraid to get into another relationship even though I'm begging for someone to come into my life. Often, I hear you tell me that I;m never going to be good enough. Theres no need to try your best. It doesnt matter. I hear you tell me that shes way out of you're league. I hear you tell me that you will never break the shyness.. You've made me who I am. The good, and the bad and the ugly. You are the reason why I get weird looks when I dont speak in groups. I've accepted you in my life. I know that you arent going to go away anytime soon. We all have the voice I hear inside our heads. Some know how to ignore it better than others and some dont. I struggle with you every day.

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