Brick Walls

Thoughts, feelings, and emotions make up who we are and sometimes our thoughts are different than our feelings. We say one thing and do another. We make promises with people, then we find ourselves breaking them. I have always believed that actions speak louder than words. You can tell someone that you will be there for them, but they wont believe it until you prove yourself. Sometimes words are useless. Why is that? We go through life having to prove who we are. Why cant we just accept people for who they are? Is it because we are all so jaded? So cynical?All it takes is one person to crush someones dream. They will never think the same way ever again. How often do you hear someone tell someone they cant do something? You have a choice, do believe them or dismiss what they have to say. As humans, we usually believe what people tell us about ourselves. I know when someone tells me I cant do something it gives me more motivation to achieve what they told me I could not do. Yet again, it goes back to my theory, We feel like we have to prove something to someone. We are told by society whats right and whats wrong rather than looking within ourselves and finding the truth. That's where you will find it. Who cares about reality tv? Who cares about all the famous people in the world. I dont. We are told how to dress, what to eat, what to think. We are told how to feel. We replace love with meaningless sex because we are afraid of being intimate. Intimate with our own thoughts, feelings and with someone else.

Once someones hurts us we put up walls. Walls that are often hard to tear down. It takes years to build trust but only seconds to break it. We all have walls. Some are thicker than others. Some are easier to tear down when we meet a certain person that looks at a certain way. We have all been through situations where we have been hurt. Nobody wants to be hurt. We put ourselves on pedestals all the time. We set high standards for ourselves but often time come up way short. People push and pull us in many different ways. How many times have you heard someone say something to you and you found out they meant something totally different? Sometimes there's a huge disconnect between our thoughts and emotions. We feel disappointed when we find out they did something that let us down. Feel what you are feeling but do not let it consume you. Accept it but let it go. The more you focus on it. The more you get it. Right now I am feeling anxious and I'm finding it hard not to dwell on it. The more I dwell on it, the more I find myself thinking about it. You finally find a person that you like. One that can ease the memories of an ex. You go on a couple dates and make it official. you now find yourself in a relationship but you are scared to give yourself like you did last time because you were burned. The more you get to know them, the easier it is to slowly take down the wall you build up over the years of unhealthy fucked up relationships you never thought you would find yourself in but you do. You put yourself out there and hope that this person will make you a better person than the person you are.

Nothing ever stays the same.

What would you do if you were told you had 1 week left to live? What would you do? What would you say? Who would see? Who would you forgive? Would you finally learn to forgive yourself? we walk around this life full of guilt and shame. Would you come clean about the affair you are having with your wife? Would you mend the anger you have towards your family? You have 1 week. 1 week to complete the life you have you have always wanted. Would you say your goodbyes? Close your eyes and take a moment. Take a deep breath, pretend thats the last one you take. Cherish it. More important how would you want to be remembered? Could you say you knew who you were? Did you live a life full of passion? were you honest with yourself? Were you the best person you could be?or did you live a life full of anger and regrets? We go through life making choices that are hurtful. You only have one life. The lap around the track will be over someday and the life you live isnt about being angry with one another. Its about accepting who you are as an individual. Its about creating who you are. Creating an environment where you feel safe with the one you love. We are constantly changing. Nothing ever stays the same, even though it may seem like it at the current moment. Sooner or later it changes. Change is scary. Imagine the couples who have been married for 35+ years and one day they are gone. Imagine getting that phone call that we all fear. He didnt make it in that accident. We dont know what to expect in this life at times. We plan, We save, We fall in love, We build a family. We suffer. Its hard not to let your anger rule your life. Life is all about making the best out of every situation you are faced with. Enjoy it. So if you had 1 week left, what would you do? Would you watch that sunset one last time? Would you feel the rain fall on your face? Would you have one last meal with all of your close friends and family?We all want to be remembered as a good person no matter what we do in life. Nobody wants to be remembered as a bad person. How many funerals have you been to when you heard someone say "they were a good person and they said what they meant" Thats how I want to be remembered. I want to live a life with integrity. I may say things that will be hurtful but I will always try to be honest with myself and my feelings. . I dont know when my time will be up. I dont know how it will happen but I can say to myself that I've lived my life to the fullest. I have learned that life is way to short. The people we care about are always taken from us when we least expect it. We cheat death and are given a second chance.We are here to experience everything that we have to offer. Everybody has a story and everybody wants to tell that story. Some people wait their whole life to be heard and the opportunity I have done some stupid things that I probably shouldnt of. I fell in love, I felt what a broken heart feels like. I accomplished goals that I set. So what would you do if you had 1 week left?

Wants vs Needs.

You wake up one morning and you realize what you want in your life is different than what you need. Many people get this confused. They confuse what they want in life vs what the truly need. We all fall victim to this but the point is to realize it. Most of the time our lives are very boring. We wake up to a alarm clock. You're feet hit the floor and its off to piss and take a shower. It makes you wonder how many times you have done it over your life time. The same goes with relationships. We often find ourselves entering relationships purely out of getting what we think we want. The most loving person in a relationship is the most self centered. Sometimes what we think we want, isnt what we want after all. It may take a week, or several months to realize it. Hindsight is such a powerful tool. Instead of expecting to get something out of the relationship, we should put what we want into it. If you put anger from past relationships in to the relationship sooner or later you will find yourself being in a relationship full of anger. Same goes for jealousy as well. Who wants that? Life is about sharing the joy and love that you have to offer someone. We want people in our lives and what we dont realize, the harder we want someone in our life we end up pushing them away. There should be a fine line between creating an environment that is fulfilling for both people in the relationship. Sometimes, we fall in love with the wrong type of people. We fall in love with these people because they are "broken" and damaged. We think we can fix these people. We try, try and try to make it work but sometimes the pieces that are broken don't fit into the box that we have inside our heads. The harder you try to "Fix" that person the more it becomes just an addiction. An addiction to please, and addiction to feel wanted and loved when in reality we are only truly hurting ourselves. I have been there and I have done it. I have wanted to fix and I have wanted to please. In the end, it caused the death of what we thought was good. It wasnt good at all. It was unhealthy and suffocating. It however was a learning process of connecting the dots to realize that we cant fix anyone else but ourselves. With that said, I believe that we are often afraid of our feelings. We make excesses to deny what we are feeling. Nobody can change the way that you feel. We often use words that are meaningless. Words are just words and thats all they will ever be. We use words to get us by. We say things we don't mean, We say things we often sometimes regret. I believe the only way to live life to the fullest is to connect what you are feeling to what you are saying. If you are feeling sad, feel it. Accept it but never ever dwell on it. The more you focus on being angry, the more angry you become, its the law of attraction simply put. You only have one life to live. It doesnt alot for the life you live to be over. When you put your feelings into thoughts then you create emotions. Emotions are often powerful and we find ourselves questioning our emotions all the time because its something that we are never taught. So what do you need in your life and what do you truly want out of life? Do you need someone or do you truly want them in your life, thats half the battle of living life to the fullest.

Life and death and the fine line in between the two.

You face us with challenges that seem like they are impossible. You let us experience the sweetness of a newborn being born. You let us see the beauty in a rain drop as it hits a puddle or a sunset that makes us breathless. You let people murder and kill each other over greed. You let countries go to war for reasons that sometimes beyond our own reasoning. You let us know that feeling sad and depressed is a normal part of life when things are uncertain for us. You let us feel the sand between our toes, and the sound of the waves crashing on the beach. You let us experience pain and suffering to understand what true love and forgiveness is all about. You have the ability to strip every single thing from someone to teach them how to rebuild what they lost. You give us free will to make choices. Some of those choices can cause major conflict. When we are struggling to find answer, we turn to you looking for guidance. You bring a family that was already close, even closer due to tragic events. You tell us to keep have faith when the really bad things in life happen. The "gut feeling' we get, is you speaking to us on a level that sometimes is hard to understand by many. You dont give up on us and you are around us constantly. In us and through us you continue to love us and guide us.. Some don't believe in you, some are cautious of you, and some depend on you every day. You have been a mystery to many. When our time is up here, you call us to be with you. Sometimes its sooner for people than what they had expected, and sometimes you give someone a second chance. You have blessed my life in many ways and I know you will continue to do so. My faith in you is constant and will always be.