Appreciation.

"It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not"

The older I get, the more I realize I am my own worst enemy. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to my profession, my family, and my friends. I find myself constantly trying to meet deadlines, and promises that I have made with myself and the ones I care about.I try to plan things that I want to happen in my life. I have lost contact with what I have once called my best friends. I've made mistakes in my life that I carry over my head. I've settled for the wrong reasons with the opposite sex which has left me feeling bitter. I have let people down, and I have hurt people. I am human and it happens. I wanted to get married at a certain time period in my life, that didn't happen. I wanted to be a home owner at a certain age, that hasnt happened yet. The more I realize I want things to happen the way I want them too, they don't happen. Imagine that. I now find myself looking around and understand that life is meant to be a journey and not a race. I am a planner, I like to know how I'll get from point A to point B. Life isn't always about having a plan. Yes, they do come in handy but its okay not to be in the right direction all the time. Some of the most valuable lessons in life can be learned by accidentally taking a detour in life. I know in my life, I have took many detours along the way but have found myself back on the right path. I have seen some dark tunnels along the way and have questioned at that time in my life why I was struggling. The one thing I have never lost track of, is my faith. It has kept me going in times I didn't think I could go on. My faith has told me to push a little harder, to not give up when that's all I felt like doing. It's told me to keep my head up and hold back my emotions in difficult times. It's made me more a believer now than I ever have been.

Sometimes I get caught up in things that don't matter. Sometimes a phone call can change that. You start to value the words "I love you more". You appreciate everything that you have had help with and you appreciate the things you have lost. With out the loss, you wont know what you truly had. You start to appreciate the simple things in life, black coffee, a spring rain shower, or a summer thunderstorm. When I was younger, I thought life was about getting ahead, doing what I had to do to get the job done, regardless how I felt about it. Now I realize life isnt about getting ahead. I'm not trying to get ahead of the person next to me. Instead, I'm trying to help them succeed in their dreams. I'm not trying to take home the biggest paycheck. I'm not trying to win the race. Now I'm trying to encourage the person I'm running next to, to keep going. I dont care what size of house I will own someday, or the car I drive. What I am trying to do is be the best human being I can be and sometimes, I find that hard to do. I find myself struggling and when I do, I've learned to take a deep breath and remind myself to surround myself with positive people in my life. I know I am here for a reason and that reason is to connect with people. To inspire them, and to help them through the struggles we face in life. I take a deep breath and give thanks to the lord above for blessing me. I could of been born with a deformity, I could of been born with a missing leg. I could of been a victim of abuse but I was not. I come from a loving family. Sometimes all we need to hear from someone else is that they care. Sometimes people can say something that you have been needing to hear, A compliment, words of advice, or someone just saying they were thinking about you today. Take a moment, and appreciate where you are in life because that moment in life is exactly where you should be.

Honest direct and to the point.

There comes a time in our lives when we reach pivotal points. We wake up and realize a lot of things that once mattered, don't anymore. People's problems you once listened to goes in one ear and out the other and you say to yourself why are you wasting my time. You once thought that getting ahead in life was what you wanted but all along all you wanted was security. You realize that YOU are in control of your own thoughts and emotions and not the other way around. You know that you don't need someone to make you complete, rather just want someone to share company with. After a while, you learn to accept that people are going to hurt you. They will lie to you and talk behind your back and learn when to trust someone and when not to. You realize that life really sucks at times and you are going to fail at some point in your life and its going to be okay. Sometimes failing at something is the best thing that can happen to someone. I've failed at many things in my life and all of my failures have lead me to better things. Sometimes when you fall in shit you actually come out smelling like roses. Its happend to me on countless times. The feeling of being invisible slowly starts to wear off that leaves you with a bitter taste in your mouth. Getting drunk and waking up next to someone becomes less appealing to you when you realize that you never understood why you did this in the first place, maybe it was to fill void. You avoid relationships that you know will suck the life out of you because they are unhealthy. The test you studied so hard to get an A on, you actually failed. The job offer you thought you had, wasnt offered. The person you thought you were going to marry, ends up cheating on you. The person you started to have feelings for just stops talking to you without any rhyme or reason. We all have these points in our lives and they shape us into who we are today. They are going to hurt and its going to cause alot of painful emotions when they do happen. Its a part of life but they challenge us to make ourselves a better person. I have learned that there are only two choices in life and those are, to accept that things are going to happen to you regardless or to sit around and wonder why this has to happen to me. We are not here to become victims of our circumstances. I know that there are some people that say oh just another blog by jeff. I'm not here to make you feel good about yourself I dont care about that. Thats not the point why I write what I write.I write because I want to challenge you as a person. I want you to think in ways that you havent before. I write because I hope to make a difference in this world and maybe what I have been faced with in my life will make you understand that everything that you are going through in your life right now is going to be okay. The pain you may be feeling about something in your life will pass. Understand that its happening to you for a reason..

leave when there is still hope for escape.

I never really understood how hard it is for someone to tell them how they feel. You just say it. Why would you want to live a life where you didnt say what you mean? Maybe that's what separates me from a lot of people that I come across. I am totally aware of my feelings and thoughts. The thoughts you think become feelings.. Its really not that hard. I never understood why people cant just be honest with the way they are feeling. You meet someone new, you go on a couple dates with them. You start to realize that this person has a lot of potential to be more than just a "friend" You allow yourself to open up to this person. They open up to you as well and then all of a sudden they turn off their feelings, Just like that. No rhyme or reason. They start distancing themselves from you and you start to pick up on it. You want to know the real reasons why but they will never tell you so you justify the things you know about yourself. I have learned from past experiences you cant force someone to stay. If they want to go, let them go. I just never understood the reasoning behind ignoring someone. I get the idea that she wasnt into me as much as I was into her. Thats okay. Thats the great thing about life. You are attracted to some more than others. The key point here is just tell them instead of letting them hang out to dry. Just be honest with me to my face. Its all I asked for from the start. I guess the definition of honesty is open for discussion. Here are a couple things to think about.

Dont tell someone they are amazing when you dont mean it.
Be honest with your feelings.
Act your age
Have the consideration to tell someone its just not working out.
Treat others the way you would want to be treated.

Self Truths

1. I will hold back the need to "fix" another person and let them be who they are.
2. Every day I will practice gratitude where ever I am.
3. I will try my best to keep an open mind. Someone else has another view point also.
4. I will do my best at whatever I set out to accomplish in my life.
5. I will channel my negative energy and focus on the good things I have in my life.
6. My family is my rock, without their support in life I wouldn't be who I am today.
7. I wont take my life so seriously, I will laugh more and not take things so personally.
8. I am a person of values and morals that I will not trade in.
9. I wear my heart on my sleeve, its who I am. I've tried to change that but I realize I cant change who I am.
10. I truly enjoy the path I'm traveling on. Its not easy but it makes me appreciate life more and more every day.



What are yours?

Crossfit and Faith

****I did not write this but it applies directly to my life***

Faith takes vision to see what can happen or what you can become…as with CrossFit. “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Both the task of working out and walking in faith require us to have a vision of what could become if we step into our glory and be all that God created us to be.

CrossFit will take you into areas you wouldn’t go by yourself…as will faith. I don’t know about you but unless I have a trainer or someone who is going with me in this journey, I wouldn’t just go there by myself. Lack of discipline, maybe. Lack of knowledge, in part. Inability to put all of the pieces together on my own, absolutely. The CrossFit program will take you into an area with techniques and skills that are proven to work. It’s not uncharted area. The walk of faith is the same thing. There is a multitude of saints who have gone before us and found the results of their journey to be beyond their wildest expectations. Faith takes vision…the ability to see beyond the reality of today. Sometimes this is the ability to see beyond the image in the mirror to what we can become.

CrossFit will lead you past the point of quit to see that you are stronger than you thought…as will faith. I’ll be honest, I would have quit half way through each of my timed work outs. Not because I wanted to be a quitter but simply because I didn’t believe I could make it to the end. If I was doing these alone, I might have pushed myself but when the pain began to take over and my head is saying “bail..bail now, you’ve done enough”…I would probably listen to the voice and stop. Stopping short of realizing that I am actually strong enough to finish. Yes, 60% of the way through the workout my body is screaming at me but when I finish there is a huge sense of accomplishment and pride that I actually finished. Here is where the principle of a cord of two or three is stronger that a cord of one. When we work out together or with a trainer we can be lead past the point of “quit” to realize we have what it takes. Walking the journey of faith is exactly the same. When we walk our journey with others, even if only one or two people, we will be stronger and be able to push past those points of quit when the enemy is screaming that we don’t have what it takes. Remember, God created you and me, NOT the accuser. God knows how He created us and knows He has prepared us for the journey He has called us to. This takes faith.

CrossFit will leave you uncomfortable but not broken…as will faith. A good trainer will leave you uncomfortable but will not push you to the point of breaking where injury occurs. The journey of faith is tough. There will be times of discomfort…and times of extreme discomfort. One thing I do know is that The One who calls us to this journey of faith, He will not crush us or allow us to be broken.

Faith takes vision to see what can happen or what you can become…as with CrossFit. “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Both the task of working out and walking in faith require us to have a vision of what could become if we step into our glory and be all that God created us to be.

CrossFit will take you into areas you wouldn’t go by yourself…as will faith. I don’t know about you but unless I have a trainer or someone who is going with me in this journey, I wouldn’t just go there by myself. Lack of discipline, maybe. Lack of knowledge, in part. Inability to put all of the pieces together on my own, absolutely. The CrossFit program will take you into an area with techniques and skills that are proven to work. It’s not uncharted area. The walk of faith is the same thing. There is a multitude of saints who have gone before us and found the results of their journey to be beyond their wildest expectations. Faith takes vision…the ability to see beyond the reality of today. Sometimes this is the ability to see beyond the image in the mirror to what we can become.

CrossFit will lead you past the point of quit to see that you are stronger than you thought…as will faith. I’ll be honest, I would have quit half way through each of my timed work outs. Not because I wanted to be a quitter but simply because I didn’t believe I could make it to the end. If I was doing these alone, I might have pushed myself but when the pain began to take over and my head is saying “bail..bail now, you’ve done enough”…I would probably listen to the voice and stop. Stopping short of realizing that I am actually strong enough to finish. Yes, 60% of the way through the workout my body is screaming at me but when I finish there is a huge sense of accomplishment and pride that I actually finished. Here is where the principle of a cord of two or three is stronger that a cord of one. When we work out together or with a trainer we can be lead past the point of “quit” to realize we have what it takes. Walking the journey of faith is exactly the same. When we walk our journey with others, even if only one or two people, we will be stronger and be able to push past those points of quit when the enemy is screaming that we don’t have what it takes. Remember, God created you and me, NOT the accuser. God knows how He created us and knows He has prepared us for the journey He has called us to. This takes faith.

CrossFit will leave you uncomfortable but not broken…as will faith. A good trainer will leave you uncomfortable but will not push you to the point of breaking where injury occurs. The journey of faith is tough. There will be times of discomfort…and times of extreme discomfort. One thing I do know is that The One who calls us to this journey of faith, He will not crush us or allow us to be broken.

Its that sort of thing that makes you loose your objectivity

We all want it. We are often afraid of it. "its too good to be true" as we start to dismiss it. It gives some people meaning in their lives. We put up walls to keep it out and push it away rather than accept it. We say we don't deserve it. We get hurt only to do it over and over until we find it. Its a song an dance. A little to the left and a roll to the right. Two Steps forward and one step back. We strive for it and let ourselves down when we realize its not what we thought. It gives us the power to grow, emotionally, sexually, and physically. It can even kill us. Some people express it in all the wrong ways. It can bring two people together and it can tear two people apart. Its an emotion that we struggle to express. We all communicate it in a language that may be different from another. We focus on it until we loose our objectivity. Some are lucky enough to find it and some are searching for it all their lives. When you find it, hold on to it but never hold it tight because it takes a lifetime to find and seconds to watch it fall apart. Take a second to tell someone you love them and mean it. All of this could be over before you know it. It gives me meaning for my life because I've been blessed to experience it and share it. If you are waiting for it I hope you find it. If you have found it, You are one of the lucky ones. I'm still waiting for it, I've had it and Ive lost it but I know it will find me again. Let it in, accept it, its the most powerful emotion that two people share.

Brick Walls

Thoughts, feelings, and emotions make up who we are and sometimes our thoughts are different than our feelings. We say one thing and do another. We make promises with people, then we find ourselves breaking them. I have always believed that actions speak louder than words. You can tell someone that you will be there for them, but they wont believe it until you prove yourself. Sometimes words are useless. Why is that? We go through life having to prove who we are. Why cant we just accept people for who they are? Is it because we are all so jaded? So cynical?All it takes is one person to crush someones dream. They will never think the same way ever again. How often do you hear someone tell someone they cant do something? You have a choice, do believe them or dismiss what they have to say. As humans, we usually believe what people tell us about ourselves. I know when someone tells me I cant do something it gives me more motivation to achieve what they told me I could not do. Yet again, it goes back to my theory, We feel like we have to prove something to someone. We are told by society whats right and whats wrong rather than looking within ourselves and finding the truth. That's where you will find it. Who cares about reality tv? Who cares about all the famous people in the world. I dont. We are told how to dress, what to eat, what to think. We are told how to feel. We replace love with meaningless sex because we are afraid of being intimate. Intimate with our own thoughts, feelings and with someone else.

Once someones hurts us we put up walls. Walls that are often hard to tear down. It takes years to build trust but only seconds to break it. We all have walls. Some are thicker than others. Some are easier to tear down when we meet a certain person that looks at a certain way. We have all been through situations where we have been hurt. Nobody wants to be hurt. We put ourselves on pedestals all the time. We set high standards for ourselves but often time come up way short. People push and pull us in many different ways. How many times have you heard someone say something to you and you found out they meant something totally different? Sometimes there's a huge disconnect between our thoughts and emotions. We feel disappointed when we find out they did something that let us down. Feel what you are feeling but do not let it consume you. Accept it but let it go. The more you focus on it. The more you get it. Right now I am feeling anxious and I'm finding it hard not to dwell on it. The more I dwell on it, the more I find myself thinking about it. You finally find a person that you like. One that can ease the memories of an ex. You go on a couple dates and make it official. you now find yourself in a relationship but you are scared to give yourself like you did last time because you were burned. The more you get to know them, the easier it is to slowly take down the wall you build up over the years of unhealthy fucked up relationships you never thought you would find yourself in but you do. You put yourself out there and hope that this person will make you a better person than the person you are.