The Human Spirit.

How many times have you found yourself in a situation where you thought the whole world was crashing down around you?Your best friend betrayed you. The one you loved, cheated. How many events have happened in your life that were out of your control? some of the most challenging times we face has humans happen on a tuesday afternoon, you get the idea,they just happen. You go to the doctor, feeling not yourself, you come out dealing with stage three cancer. Your life as you know it is limited. The count down has begun. You start playing the "what if" game. What if that, what if this. Your driving through an intersection on a monday morning and you are t-boned by a semi and survive. The human spirit is an amazing entitiy. It speaks to us when we are searching for the answers we cant find ourselves. Its the gut feeling you get when you think "something isnt right" and turns out to be the case. Its making a choice and finding out it saved your life. When you have faith in yourself the human spirit will erase any sense of doubt. Doubt creats worry, when you worry you create emotions that are negative and it can become paralyzing. This is when the human spirt will speak and it will speak to you in ways that you have never been able to comprehend. I call it the "Aha" moments in life. When you finally get it something just clicks. How many times have you felt like giving up but something deep within kept you going and you look back and wonder how you got through that difficult time? The moments when we feel like giving up on ourselves are when the human spirit is screaming at us. The body can be beat, the mind can play tricks on us but the human spirt is where we find many truths about ourself. This is when we see "Who"we are we see the weaknesses, the burdens we have created, and the joy thats in our life. The spirit carries us and guides us when we may not be able to see the light. We all have the ability to tap into this energy that is within. This type of engery, human spirit, whatever you want to call it comes across as passion. Most people are afraid of passion. Passion is the raw human emotion at its finiest.When you feel sad, allow yourself to feel sad, accept it but dont dwell. When you dwell, you get more of it and who wants that? If you look around, we are all creating energy and put this energy into the world. We go through life walking blindly sometimes. When we are awken by the human spirit is when true personal growth can take place. Sometimes it happens when you least expect it. The engery you put out connects with sometime else. Look at two people who are in love. Love im talking about is the couples who have been together for 60 years. The couples who just have it together. There engery matches eachother and they are sharing the same passion. Call these two people Bob and Sara. Bob is creating engery as well is sara, when there eyes meet and the connection is formed what i call "Boara" Bobs energy+Saras energy. The love they share is unbreakable. They will be able to face any type of challenge they may face together. This is true love. When you find it you will know and feel it. These are the times in our lives that make us feel "alive" when we feel "alive" it is the human spirit speaking to us. It doesnt happen all the time but when it does you know what im talking about.

Run, Run Away

Turn off the lights, crawl into bed and pray to your God. The God that you once spoke about, the one you believe in.
Blind faith didnt get you too far did it?Hell, it never got you anywhere..
Run, Run away from everything you knew what was real. Run away from me. Run away from us.
Fate had a funny way of bringing us together now fate has a nasty way of tearing us apart.
Time sometimes stands still.
I once asked you a promise, a promise that you broke now I'm left with the ghost of you.
The ghost hides in my mind.
Now grasp for your straws as your world falls apart underneath you.
Throw a match on the gas and watch us go down in flames.
When the fire is put out, there will be nothing left but smoke.
You believed at one point, whats stopping you now?
Maybe one day we'll find the answers were both lookin for
Maybe one day we'll both be smarter until then the song and dance continues.
Left foot forward, three steps to the right, one to the left.
Right foot forward, three steps to the left, one to the right.
Repeat three times then reject me.
Wipe away those tears babe you are the one created this.
I take that back, we both created this. You created the mess.
Remember sweetie, I never asked for this.
Pray to your god he'll give you the answers
as we slowly become strangers.
Ghosts.

There is a Hole in My sidewalk

There Is a Hole in My Sidewalk
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep whole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit…but,
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately,

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

Confessions of an aspiring pilot.

The starting point of my memoir..unedited version.




Growing up I had a hard time adjusting socially around people. I always felt awkward around people. I felt that I was never good enough and I lacked self-confidence. There was a deep need within myself to “help” people but I never really helped myself when I needed to the most. I want you to come on this journey with me as I tell you about myself. If you truly believe in something you want out of life anything is possible. If you keep chipping away slowly at the wall, soon enough the wall will crumble. This memoir is about my life as a human and my life as an aspiring pilot and the struggles that fall in between. As a teenager I found myself in and out of what I called depression. I was unhappy with the way I looked. I was unhappy the lack of friends I had. I lived my life through other people. I struggled to make friends in middle school and high school but my shyness wasn’t allowing me to seek the right type of friendships I needed. I compared myself to my siblings and wanted the life they had more than they could imagine. I worried like every other kid who felt the way I did. Through middle school I felt out of place. I got picked on, and laughed at all the time. I kept telling myself that it wouldn’t be like this forever. Nothing in life stays the same. Change will happen if you like it or not, its something that you cant predict. Its something in my life that I have to constantly remind myself every day. I once had a dream when I was just a little kid, that dream was to become a pilot. The Dream turned into a reality when I was 15 years old and was introduced to something that changed my life in so many ways. At that time, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I just thought I was going to take a few flying lessons to see if I enjoyed it or not. Boy, was I wrong. Flying an airplane is truly addicting. Pushing the throttle forward as you roll down the runway truly gives you that “free” feeling. Knowing within moments you will be fighting gravity, something that many people have a hard concept to grasp. As I write this memoir, I hope I will be able to express those thoughts and feelings in a way that will give you hope to achieve your own personal goals you have for yourself. Flying an airplane is something the majority of the population often wonders what it would be like. The sounds, the sights, smells and the challenge can change the way someone views the world itself. It defines you as a person. It separates you from the major of the population. You stand out when you tell people what type of career you are in.

You could call me lucky, persistent, or blessed, depending on how you want to look at it. Having faith in something even if you don’t know the outcome will test you and challenge you but if you truly want it, it will be worth the entire wait. I was born into aviation. Airplanes and aviation was something that was in my family. My dad has a long history with airplanes that goes back before I was born. At one point my Dad was a professional pilot. I remember him telling me stories when I was younger about flying over Lake Erie in the dead of winter in an old Beech18 in the middle of the night delivering freight. His route was from Youngstown, Ohio to Detroit, Michigan back to Youngstown while everyone else was sleeping. I have very fond memories growing up around airplanes. I knew right after my introduction lesson that I had a new appreciation towards life and also a new addiction that changed my perspective on how I viewed myself and the world in itself, flying soon would give me the confidence in myself that I was constantly seeking as a teenager. It made me “Stand” out in high school. I was referred as the kid who was taking flying lessons. One memory that stands out is when I was just a kid of eating breakfast out at the airport diner at the Wayne county airport with my dad and twin brother. Every Saturday morning my dad would take both my brother and I out to the airplane so we could watch airplanes take off and land.

Writing a memoir

I have finally made the commitment to write a memoir of my young aviation days..I figured its time I really connect with people with my words. Stay tuned as I post my writings on my blog.

Call it what you want..but I call it..

"You must first see your Self as worthy before you can see another as worthy. You must first see your Self as blessed before you can see another as blessed. You must first know your Self to be holy before you can acknowledge holiness in another"- Conversations with God

As we go through life we find ourselves having a need for people. We want to feel loved and accepted for who we are, even on our bad days when everything has gone wrong.We want to fall asleep at night knowing we have "someone" in our life who we call important. I have finally realized in my life that there is a fine line between when to care and when not to care for someone elses needs. There is also a huge difference between caring for someone and caring about someone. Knowing the difference between the two is important. When you dont know how to tell the difference between the two, and your caring for someone crosses the line, this is what we call "Codependency." Just google the word and you will find yourself with abundance of things to read.

As I travel down this journey called "Life" I've learned that this is one thing that I have struggled with through out my teens and mid twenties and I am finally learning how to change the behaviors. My "need" for people as been a little unhealthy. As my best friend says I have what is called the "Cinderella Syndrome" I have a tendency to find members of the opposite sex who, lets just say have more baggage than what is needed for the trip.. Dont get me wrong, we all have bags to check at the airport but some bags need to be left at home As I have been focusing on myself lately these past few months I have realized that all of my past relationships have been with females travel with too many bags. This is where the Cinderella Syndrome comes in to play. I want to make them feel better, when in reality I am not meeting my own needs. I want to "fix" them, but fail every time .Every relationship I have been in has been with someone who needs to leave their bags at home. Now that I know this about myself, its been a battle within myself to change these nasty habits. Bad habits die hard. This personal growth hasnt been an easy thing for me. I used to blame things on myself and I would be a "victim" I am here for myself and to take care of myself. I am in control of my thoughts and emotions. I no longer blame my thoughts and feelings on a certian person or certian events in my life. We all want to make other people feel good about themselves, but when you are constantly trying to make other people feel good rather than yourself, you start to feel feelings of resentment. It has been a painful process learning about my own needs and values instead of what everyone else wants. You can call it whatever you want, but I call it codependency issues.

I didnt need to "fix" someone who was abused in their past. I didn't need to fix someone who was half deaf. I didnt need to fix someone who was unable to have children, All I can do is fix myself. Call it what you want but I have accepted myself and I am an amazing person. Call it cocky, or call it alittle self confidence but my life is amazing.I have accomplished things in my life at the age of 26 that many people who havent. When you finally accept who you are your life really does just fall in to place. You stop worrying about the past, or the future and you just live for one day at a time. Yes I could die tomorrow and thats okay with me. When you accept you you are, you are no longer afraid to die. My energy will just continue on. Until recent events I never took the time to make my own self happy. There are many things in my life that make me happy. These are what I call self truths.

Self Truths.
1. I find happiness in myself when I watch the sunrise on the beach. It puts perspective in my life about whats important.
2. I love my family more than they know. They shaped me into who I am..in this moment..right here..right now.
3. My dad will always be one of the best men I know.
4. I love that I am an approachable person.
5. I am a great person who only wants the best out of myself and the people around him.
6. I will not compare myself to anyone else. I am my own person who is unique.
7. I will not live in the past..nor will i live in the future. God gave us the moments right now to create our reality.
8. I make a great best friend, who else could you call at 3 am when you need to talk to someone. My phone is always on.
9. I am and always be a passionate and sensitive person and there is nothing wrong with that.
10. I finally love myself.


I'll end this with a prayer..
I pray for you that you have the ability to find the courage in our life to look deep within to find yourself. I pray for you to challenge yourself in ways you never thought you could. I pray for you to find your own happiness. Life really is amazing. Whatever struggles you are facing with, I pray you have the strength to over come them. You are an amazing person and you have every right to think that about yourself.

Lovers and Strangers.

We go through life itching for relationships. We look for people to challenge us. We look for people to help us grow, either through best friends or on a intimate level. We're always on the hunt to find someone to call our other half. Once we find that we call that "Fate" Fate works in funny ways and brings people into our lives when we least expect it. You could be having a horrible time in your life, and you meet that person. Fate follows you around everywhere you go, sometimes it catches you when you least expect it. You are out with your friends and you notice "them" across the room. Afraid to do anything, you remain silent. You keep eying each other, checking out each other, waiting for the first person to make a move. The move is made and the game has begun. They are approaching you with the first thing you notice, the smile.. "Hello" They say as your heart skips a beat. Instantly you feel a connection with that person, something on a deeper level that you have never experienced before. The more you are finding out about this person, the more your thoughts start racing "I have never met someone like you before" I feel like I've known you my whole life" The energy between the two came together. You feel the passion between eachother. Everybody is giving off enegery, both postive and negative engery. We attract things in to our lives through our energy. When the energy comes together between two people, the process is called falling in love. Love is one of the greatest human emotions two people can experience together. It makes you feel like you could jump off that bridge and surive the fall. Love gives people hope that tomorrow will be a better day. Love makes you feel like everything is going to be okay. Everyone has their own idea of what love is. To some people, love is a feeling, and when that feeling fades, they jump, itching to find that feeling with someone else. They will always be jumpers, until the wake up and realize their pattern. Many people are jumpers, I've been a jumper and I am sure you have too. Over the many years I have often wondered since love is one of the greatest human emotions to feel, why do lovers turn in to strangers? Take a look at your past relationships and you tell me if that person is still your love, or a stranger. They are probably a stranger. I mean how akward is it when you bump into a old lover and you dont know what to say. Its sad to think that two people shared such an amazing bond. Now they are both "Ghosts" I call it the ghost of a good thing. The song and dance we do with relationships is something that I have a hard time wrapping my head around. When we get into relationships, we get oursleves into a power struggle that often kills the game, or kills the love between two people. What I dont understand, and if you find the answers please tell me because. I dont understnad that your best friend can throw a book at you and smack you across the face.It will hurt like hell at first but we apoligize. No harm, no faul. We can forgive our best friend but how dare we if we say something that is offending to a lover, or vise versa we are crushed and have a hard time getting over it. Once I think I have something figured out, I am constantly reminded that this game of "Life" is just a growing process.

Simple words connecting thought..

We all want to feel accepted on this journey we call life. Why is it that the opposite of acceptance is the word, rejection. Why is rejection such a bitter pill to swallow sometimes for so many people. No body wants to feel rejected, it goes back to the whole "everybody wants to feel accepted mindset" I believe that we all need to face rejection every once in a while. When we are rejected from a well paying job or a relationship it knocks us down a notch, after all we aren't invisible are we? True colors shine through when we are rejected. Maybe after all we arent as perfect as we thought we were. Maybe were not as confident as we thought, or just maybe..were not as attractive as we thought. The wonderful thing with rejection is we have the ablity to turn it into a positive situation. No body likes to suffer, atleast I havent met someone that enjoys suffering. Once we are knocked down a notch we can now focus on what we need to change about ourselves. Personal growth always happens when we are at our darkest hour. We can do two things with being rejected. We can accept the fact that we are humans and work on chaning ourselves or we can sit and wallow in the self doubt of "im never good enough belief. The hell with the laddder of the two. The thing is we are good enough. When we do have a sense of rejection its at that time when we have to look ourselves in the mirror and ask ourselves what the hell is going on with myself. I dont know about you but I am a focused person. I have goals and with those goals I get what I set forward to achieve. If I want something I will find a way to get what I want but sometimes the there is nothing else we can do but face the reality of being rejected. The good old saying is the truth "what wont kill you will only make you stronger"Amen, even though I thought my life was ending, I am alive and taking breath after breath. When was the last time you were rejected? How did you handle it? did you believe you werent good enough or do you have faith in yourself to dust yourself off and keep on going..

A moment can change everything

Welcome inside my mind. Buckle up and enjoy the ride. This is a forewarning that anything goes here. You have been given free will, this is your choice to read my thoughts and how I view the world and I really dont care what you think. Thats one of the greatest things in life is Free Will If I offend you in anyway so be it. I am going to post things/topics that are going to make you question things, make you laugh, make you upset, make you feel alive and ultimately make a difference in your life. That is why I am here after all. I will be discussing, religion, spirituality, relationships, etc..

Have you ever had one of those moments where you ask yourself how in the hell did I get to where I am? And you scratch your head and wonder where to go from here? I have been asking myself that question lately over and over again and I am actually finding the answers I have been looking for quiet some time now. After all, I should of just listened to my dad more and more and I wouldnt be in this mess. My Doc tells me that I am the kind of person that I have to touch the stove to see if its hot. Even if you see the blue flame, you still have to touch it. I am now to the point where I dont have to touch the flame to see if its hot.

I believe that we attract certain things into our life by the Law of Attraction, both positive and negative situations. We are attracted to the things we think about. There are really only two core emotions in life. Happy emotions and Sad emotions, yes there are emotions that fall under these to emotions but there are just two. If you really think about it, the law of attraction is everywhere. The Law of Attraction basically says that humans are like magnets and what we put out into this universe will come right back to ourselves. If someone is constantly viewing life as negative then more negative thoughts will be created. I was once a product of negative thinking until ultimately it bite me in the ass, and it bit really hard but I still have been gifted enough that I can find the humor in messy situtations that life brings us.I cant imagine going through life unable to laugh. I have to say its funny when everyone knows me, knew me as a negative person. When you have a "ah ha, come to jesus meeting" it changes the way you look at life and people dont know how to handle the new person. Life really is amazing, it just shows that we are the one who are in control of our thoughts. No body else is.

I did not believe in the Law of Attraction until recent events took place in my life.I hated my job, I found every way to focus on the negative aspects of my job instead of being grateful that I do have a job, a job that I do love. How many people can say they have fullfillment in their job? Not alot. I thought I had it all. I thought I found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I put my heart, my soul and my tears into the relationship and to sum it up, I just didnt have my shit together. You put in a relationship and thats what you get out of the relationship.

If you put feelings of joy, love, happines in the relationship the relationship will grow. Too many peole fall under the catergoy that I fall under sometimes. I put a lot of worry, doubt and negativity in the relationship and it failed. We all worry find ourselves worrying about if we will be " Good enough" That right there is a self doubt. The more you have self doubt, the more worry you will receive. One of the greatest things in life is that we are all given opportunity to be a better person. We let ourselves go so much, we never seem to hold ourselves up to a high standard. When a door closes another one opens. I am not saying we will ever get back together, that is not up to me but I do know that I am a happy, whitty, and confident person I think she can see the growth also in myself. I do miss my best friend. She taught me how to love someone unconditonally and she taught me what it feels like to have your heart ripped out from your chest. No hard feelings though. If this ever of happend, I would of never of had the come to jesus meeting. When reality hits, it hits at full force and there is no stopping it. Its just like gravity. You can throw yourself off a bridge, but we all know what is going to happen next. One of the biggest things that was hard to learn was that you cant make someone love you. She is now the ghost of a good thing.Unconditional love is about making your other half happy, even if hurts yourself in the process. Her wish was granted she wanted out.

This is just the begining of the journey, Follow me along through this spirtiual journey I have found myself on. Life really is amazing. Life really is what you make it out to be. Ask Believe Receive.