2010: A year of..

2010 was a year of personal growth that pushed me far beyond my own personal limits and challenged me in many ways that I never want to experience again but what I learned out of it I will take with me through the journey that I am on. In 2010 I fell in love with a girl. I dove in headfirst thinking everything was going to work out only to find out that I was way wrong and should of listened to my own dad in the first place. Dads are always right, and they know whats best for their son. A year ago today, I was engaged and madly in love and on top of the world.. Today, I'm single and loving who I have become through this process of awareness. Looking back on this year, and especially the relationship that I was in I learned that there are some people who we come in our lives only to teach us a lesson and thats it. We may not know what the lesson right when we are struggling the most. Some of the most important lessons are learned months after a horrible breakup, loss of a best friend or a job loss. I was lucky enough to expirence all three of these things in the matter of months of eachother. When you are stripped of everything you have it makes you put your own life into perspective. I promise you, you will have your "ah ha" moment and look back with clarity and find the answer you are looking for. It may take alot longer than you hoped for but it will happen. I learned that the relationship would of failed anyway if we would of stayed together. I was saved by the grace of god, and fact that she left me, probably one of the best things she could of done for me. I got to expirence what a true loss feels like. Next time I loose something I will know how to prepare myself. I know when I am ready to give my heart away to the next lovely lady that comes into my life, she will be thanking her also. Call it selfishness or confidence, its only the truth. Some people are delt a bad card and are faced with horrific tramtic expereinces in their lifes. I have learned that you cant fix other people. We can offer adivce but it is truely up to each individual person to fix themselves. You cant control other peoples thoughts and emotions. They are going to think what they think and do what they want regardless of what you think. Yes, you can try and sway their opinions but in the long run, they are the ones who are faced with the decisions they have to make in their life. 2010 was a year that I struggled financially also. Due to my massive paycut I received from my last employer and my pride standing in the way I allowed my credit to take a massive tumble.I should of asked for help when help was needed instead of ingoring the issues that I was faced with. I will never own another credit card in my name if I dont have to0. I will never allow the deninal of putting a purchase on a credit card if there isnt cash to pay it off. We think we can just borrow and pay it off. When you keep borrowing and dont pay it off the mountain becomes so massive and the grief becomes so strong that you dont sleep at night. Trust me, I've been there.

There was alot that I did however gain out of this year of challenges.I grew as a pilot, I had the opportunity to fly with a captain that let me make msitakes in the cockpit. He helped me gain the confidence I needed in order to fly a jet aircraft. We were coworkers but I gained a friend out of it as well. He knew my limits as a person, and as a pilot. He saw me at my worst when my relationship fell apart. He pushed me togo farther than my comfort zone. He taught me how to fly an instrument approach down to weather mins and land with people in the back wondering when we would break out of the soup. However the most important thing he taught me over the past 2.5 years was to be safe. If you think something isnt right, it probably isnt. I am ready to take what I learned from my captain to my next employer, whoever that will be. I make a good pilot, a good employee and a great person to travel with. I gained more respect for my parents. They saw me at my worst. The lowest I have ever been in my life.They saw my life fall apart, and they watched me put it back together. They watched me grow and struggle through something that everyone at one point is faced with. Without their love and advice, I wouldnt be half the person I am today. I love you guys and I'm truely sorry you saw me like you did this past year. I grew emotionally, spirtiually, and physically in my life. I can now handle alittle rejection in my life. Once you have been totally rejected, it wont be so bad the second time around it happens. I grew spirtually in ways that are beyond me. I allowed my faith to carry me through the darkest of my days. My faith in god was never questioned. I allowed God to work through me and in me. I learned how important the Law of Attraction is and how it effects your life on a daily basis. What you put into the world is what you get back. Very simple and very true.


I dont know what 2011 will bring me but I know that I will be able to handle what life throws at me. Thank you everyone who watched me grow into who I am as a person. Without your advice and courage to keep going I would be lost. You know who you are. I dont have to list any names because alot of people came into my life when I need people in my life the most. The challenges that I was faced with allowed me to grow as a person. It allowed me to love, suffer and grow. What ever you are faced with in your life, keep going. Never loose your faith in yourself and I promise you, you will come out the other side a much better person than before. Thats how it works.


Heres to whats in store for 2010..

Goodbye 2010.

Never Give Up

No matter where your life takes you, Never give up. No matter how dark it is keep moving forward. Sometimes the only way out of something is through it and there is nothing wrong with batting down the hatches and riding the wave ashore.Let the wave carry you. During your life time you will be faced with many challenges and many opportunities that will pull you in different directions. Some of those challenges will make you scratch your head and say "You've got to be shitting me"You will look back and realize that moment you were at the darkest part of your life.You were supposed to be there, you were supposed to learn from that situation you were faced with. When you see yourself doing something over and over again, you never allowed yourself to learn. This part in your life is actually when you are the strongest. Your faith will be tested. You will need to remember these moments in your life. Hold them close to you so when you are faced with adversity, you will know how to handle it and realize its not as bad as it really is. Nothing is. We are here to create moments in our lives. We are here to share the feelings of love, and joy not hurt and anger. Those feelings will leave you feeling even more helpless. The challenges you face will always sneak up on us and blind side you on a Thursday afternoon. Some of the challenges will actually be decisions that will already be made for you if you like it our not. You will be forced to leave every option open because when you limit yourself, you wont allow yourself to grow emotionally, spiritually, and physically in our life. The human spirit will take you in directions you never thought it would if you would allow it. We will be faced with temptation and greed, the two worst things that haunt humans. The more temptation you are faced with, the more you will have, same thing with greed. They manifest themselves in your life without you knowing until you realize how greedy you have become. When you loose everything in your life. The one you love, a job, money, it was all because of your greed. When you are stripped from everything you will be forced to listen to that voice inside your head. "How did I allow myself to get here" Okay, my lifes falling apart but I caused it to happen". The challenges that we face are not a sign of weakness. Its a sign of spiritual strength. When we are down on ourselves many people say "God why did you create this for me" People will call it a weakness but it is within you to look at it as a Strength. All Challenges in your life that you have dealt with are a sign of your inner strength. The strength that will carry you through the darkest hour of your life. The world may be falling down around you but you have to trust yourself that everything will be okay and there is always a lesson out of everything.

loneliness

I often feel when I take a step forward in life I take two steps backwards sometimes. Life throws us curve balls when we least expect it. I have come to the realization that will happen to us in our lives is going to happen no matter what. We cant worry about loosing our jobs because it is going to happen sooner or later. Why worry about things we have no control over. We want to feel like all the hard work we have done is worth something but when you get the notice you no longer have a job, it makes you second guess everything you have worked for. You start to go into survival mode. When we get laid off of a job for something that wasnt an employees fault it makes it even more bitter sweet when youre time is up at the work place. No more working with the people you once knew. To me, looisng your job is like loosing a relationship. . I think sometimes we get too comfortable with our jos. We wake up and expect to see a paycheck in our bank account. We do the same thing over and over again. I am faced with a new challenge and a new adventure ahead of me.

I know I have been blessed with an overwhelming sense of empathy. I don't know if its just me being aware of what is going on, but I get it. I have been told time after time that I am the kind of person you feel like you have known just after meeting me. I want people to feel accepted becuase in my life I struggled with accepting myself. When you finally accept yourself for who you are, you become secure. You arent afraid of trying new things and you see things in a different light. It almost makes you feel like a different person when you reach the point of acceptance. Nothing really matters. You arent effected anymore by other people and you can no longer control what people think or want. I know everyone has a story and everyone wants to be heard. We go through life talking about what we want. We all want to feel loved and accepted. I occasionally meet people who have never been married and have no kids and I have to say, it makes them a little aloof. I'm sure you think the same thing also. I dont understand why people push away from intimacy when we sit here and beg for it all the time. Thats one thing I will never be able to wrap my head around. We all want to be intimate but the reality is many people dont know how to handle intimate situations or conversations. I think we have to just allow ourselves to be loved by another human being. I mean, deep down, who really wants to be alone? loneliness is probably one of the worst feelings to have especially around the holidays. We all are given a gift and that gift is life. We can do whatever we want with it and we can become whoever we want.

Failures.

I often wonder where my passion for life comes from.I close my eyes and I give thanks to the one above, for he is around me, in me, and working through me. I have stumbled and I have fallen but I get up and I go on. I have tried and I have failed but I will try again. Life is full of challenges and difficulties but those challenges make us who we are. Think about all of those times you have failed. Without those failures you wouldnt appreciate the best things you have in youre life. Those failures have taught you how to be a stronger person. They have taught you how to handle yourself in times of adversity. The dissappointment hurts at first, but it makes us realize we are humans and we can only do our best with what we have. Without my failures and mistakes I doubt I would be as passionate as I am.There is no doubt about it, Life is short but sweet, enjoy it while you can. Dare to do something you have never done before. Talk to the person you have a crush on, Challenge yourself. I have made some stupid mistakes in my life, I have disappointed people but I will always come out a stronger person than I was before. Writing gives me a way to connect to people who may be struggling in their own personal lives. If someone can see how passionate I am, maybe it will give them the hope they are searching for to continue on. Through the most difficult times in my life I have never given up on hope. This is one of my favorite quotes from the movie The Shawshank Redeption. "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies" As the holidays season approaches us, take time to give thanks Buy a homeless person a meal. . I know, I write alot about giving thanks but it truly does work when you feel gratitude towards something/someone in life. Having a sense of graititude will make you apprecaite who you are. You are one person and you have the ablility to make someone of yourself. You have the ablity to make your dreams come true and you have the ablity to fail. You have the ablity to push yourself to the limits. You have the ablity to try.

Life is like a dance

It truly amazes me how much my life has changed within the last year and to be even more specific, its amazing how much my life has changed within the last 4 months. For people who know me very well, my life fell apart and looking back on it now, it wasn't all that bad that it happened. I have gained so much more respect for myself. I finally feel like I learned important boundaries that are key for a successful relationship. After going through my train wreck of a mess I have found a new appreciation for life in general. I have always been a very passionate person but this passion is on a newer level. I like to say this new type of appreciation as positive energy. Once you start paying attention to it, you can pick it up in an instant while talking to someone. Sometimes you just get a bad vibe from someone, well that's their negative energy peeking out and sometimes you can instantly pick up someones positive engery. My mom has this down to a T. She is one of the most cool, calm and collective people I know. For the longest time, she always said to me. "You become what you think" Man she was right. We sometimes become so self absorbed in our own thoughts. When you get to a point in your life when you can control your thoughts and emotions you become self aware. Self awareness takes awhile to learn but once you become self aware, you become a leader.Everyone needs a leader around them, even if they arent leading in a "traditional" way you may think. When you are aware of your own thoughts and emotions they become easy to control. Sometimes our thoughts and our emotions flow like a river. Sometimes in life we stumble around and around. When you stumble, sometimes there isn't any other way but to fall down. The fall isnt what hurts the most, its the getting back up which hurts the most.Everything you knew before you can toss it out the window because those were negative thoughts and negative thoughts attract more negative things in your own life. I sometimes feel like I am a chicken crossing a busy road. The chicken will slowly peek its head across the road to see if any cars are coming then hesitate for a little bit. The chicken waits and waits then when the coast is clear, the chicken slowly crosses the street with his eyes wide open, hoping fate isnt the hunter. You may wodner what this has to do with the blog title "Life is like a dance". Well recently I have picked up dance lessons. I never thought that I could learn how to dance. I mean I love music but I never thought I would gain the confidence to dance but let me tell you, its A LOT of fun.Sometimes in life you need to just get out of the comfort zone we are all used too. Breaking free of that zone will make you more aware of the abilites you have has a human beining. The type of dance I am learning is called West Coast Swing. Let google be youre friend to get a little better idea of what I am talking about. Life is always changing, just like in a dance. You are never in the same position. Learning how to dance, isnt easy but its something that I have really come to enjoy. Life throws you all kinds of curve balls, its up to you to know how to deal with what you have been delt with.

Gratitude

There are so many things in my life that I am beyond thankful for. This is a reminder of all the things that I have been blessed with over the past 26 years I have walked on this earth. First off, I want to say thank you for being alive. It's one of the best feelings to know that every day above ground is a good day. We all focus on the negative things that life throws at us but how often do we take the time to say thanks for what we have. I am thank for my awesome family. Without them, I wouldnt be half the person I am today. They love me, they support me, and sometimes they want to hang me but thats just a reminded that I am human and I do make mistakes. There have been many times when I know they have questioned my motives in life but I know they were 100% behind me even if it was something different than what they wanted. I carry around something called a gratitude rock with me where ever I go. I put this little rock in my pocket and every time I touch it, I have to give thanks for something, anything that pops in my head. It really does work, you start to pay attention to your thought process and what you are thinking about. Feeling greatful to be able to put gas in your own car makes you realize that yes, there are people out there who have no car. I know you have heard this saying before, but someone else does have it way worse than you. Call it selfish thinking, but I calling just being aware of who you are and what you have in life. I have alot of gratitude towards the few ex girlfriends that I have had along the way. They have come into life life and taught me what I need to fix about myself as a person and what I dont want in a spouse. I am thankful for the close group of best friends in my life. I dont have to list names because you know who you are. All of my close friends I have been friends with for more than 6 years. They know me inside and out as a person. They arent afraid to call me out on things I may be doing wrong. I am even gratefull for all the people I have come across in my life who have doubted me. Without the seed of doubt, I wouldnt of been able to push foward and take the less road traveled. People may look at me and ask what are you doing and they may not understand and thats okay. When people live their life with full of passion, they are afraid to say, think or feel. They are often very intune with what they are thinking..which then creates their feelings. I am grateful that I have been given the gift to be able to feel what I think. I allow myself to feel sad then I let the sadness go. I let myself feel angry then I let the anger in me go. Anger is like a double edge sword. It hurts both people in the end. I am grateful to be able to wake up in the morning with a cup of coffe and have the ocean basically in my backyard. Taking the time to watch the sunrise over the ocean really puts your own life into prespective. Youre life is really small, compared to what is out there. Next time you are feeling sorry for yourself, carry around a gratitude rock for a week and simply give your thanks, for anything, being alive, having a wonderful spouse, the food on the table, your job. When you start feeling thanful things in your own life will start to change and you will begin to see life in a different light. May the joy be with you.

The Human Spirit.

How many times have you found yourself in a situation where you thought the whole world was crashing down around you?Your best friend betrayed you. The one you loved, cheated. How many events have happened in your life that were out of your control? some of the most challenging times we face has humans happen on a tuesday afternoon, you get the idea,they just happen. You go to the doctor, feeling not yourself, you come out dealing with stage three cancer. Your life as you know it is limited. The count down has begun. You start playing the "what if" game. What if that, what if this. Your driving through an intersection on a monday morning and you are t-boned by a semi and survive. The human spirit is an amazing entitiy. It speaks to us when we are searching for the answers we cant find ourselves. Its the gut feeling you get when you think "something isnt right" and turns out to be the case. Its making a choice and finding out it saved your life. When you have faith in yourself the human spirit will erase any sense of doubt. Doubt creats worry, when you worry you create emotions that are negative and it can become paralyzing. This is when the human spirt will speak and it will speak to you in ways that you have never been able to comprehend. I call it the "Aha" moments in life. When you finally get it something just clicks. How many times have you felt like giving up but something deep within kept you going and you look back and wonder how you got through that difficult time? The moments when we feel like giving up on ourselves are when the human spirit is screaming at us. The body can be beat, the mind can play tricks on us but the human spirt is where we find many truths about ourself. This is when we see "Who"we are we see the weaknesses, the burdens we have created, and the joy thats in our life. The spirit carries us and guides us when we may not be able to see the light. We all have the ability to tap into this energy that is within. This type of engery, human spirit, whatever you want to call it comes across as passion. Most people are afraid of passion. Passion is the raw human emotion at its finiest.When you feel sad, allow yourself to feel sad, accept it but dont dwell. When you dwell, you get more of it and who wants that? If you look around, we are all creating energy and put this energy into the world. We go through life walking blindly sometimes. When we are awken by the human spirit is when true personal growth can take place. Sometimes it happens when you least expect it. The engery you put out connects with sometime else. Look at two people who are in love. Love im talking about is the couples who have been together for 60 years. The couples who just have it together. There engery matches eachother and they are sharing the same passion. Call these two people Bob and Sara. Bob is creating engery as well is sara, when there eyes meet and the connection is formed what i call "Boara" Bobs energy+Saras energy. The love they share is unbreakable. They will be able to face any type of challenge they may face together. This is true love. When you find it you will know and feel it. These are the times in our lives that make us feel "alive" when we feel "alive" it is the human spirit speaking to us. It doesnt happen all the time but when it does you know what im talking about.

Run, Run Away

Turn off the lights, crawl into bed and pray to your God. The God that you once spoke about, the one you believe in.
Blind faith didnt get you too far did it?Hell, it never got you anywhere..
Run, Run away from everything you knew what was real. Run away from me. Run away from us.
Fate had a funny way of bringing us together now fate has a nasty way of tearing us apart.
Time sometimes stands still.
I once asked you a promise, a promise that you broke now I'm left with the ghost of you.
The ghost hides in my mind.
Now grasp for your straws as your world falls apart underneath you.
Throw a match on the gas and watch us go down in flames.
When the fire is put out, there will be nothing left but smoke.
You believed at one point, whats stopping you now?
Maybe one day we'll find the answers were both lookin for
Maybe one day we'll both be smarter until then the song and dance continues.
Left foot forward, three steps to the right, one to the left.
Right foot forward, three steps to the left, one to the right.
Repeat three times then reject me.
Wipe away those tears babe you are the one created this.
I take that back, we both created this. You created the mess.
Remember sweetie, I never asked for this.
Pray to your god he'll give you the answers
as we slowly become strangers.
Ghosts.

There is a Hole in My sidewalk

There Is a Hole in My Sidewalk
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep whole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit…but,
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately,

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

Confessions of an aspiring pilot.

The starting point of my memoir..unedited version.




Growing up I had a hard time adjusting socially around people. I always felt awkward around people. I felt that I was never good enough and I lacked self-confidence. There was a deep need within myself to “help” people but I never really helped myself when I needed to the most. I want you to come on this journey with me as I tell you about myself. If you truly believe in something you want out of life anything is possible. If you keep chipping away slowly at the wall, soon enough the wall will crumble. This memoir is about my life as a human and my life as an aspiring pilot and the struggles that fall in between. As a teenager I found myself in and out of what I called depression. I was unhappy with the way I looked. I was unhappy the lack of friends I had. I lived my life through other people. I struggled to make friends in middle school and high school but my shyness wasn’t allowing me to seek the right type of friendships I needed. I compared myself to my siblings and wanted the life they had more than they could imagine. I worried like every other kid who felt the way I did. Through middle school I felt out of place. I got picked on, and laughed at all the time. I kept telling myself that it wouldn’t be like this forever. Nothing in life stays the same. Change will happen if you like it or not, its something that you cant predict. Its something in my life that I have to constantly remind myself every day. I once had a dream when I was just a little kid, that dream was to become a pilot. The Dream turned into a reality when I was 15 years old and was introduced to something that changed my life in so many ways. At that time, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I just thought I was going to take a few flying lessons to see if I enjoyed it or not. Boy, was I wrong. Flying an airplane is truly addicting. Pushing the throttle forward as you roll down the runway truly gives you that “free” feeling. Knowing within moments you will be fighting gravity, something that many people have a hard concept to grasp. As I write this memoir, I hope I will be able to express those thoughts and feelings in a way that will give you hope to achieve your own personal goals you have for yourself. Flying an airplane is something the majority of the population often wonders what it would be like. The sounds, the sights, smells and the challenge can change the way someone views the world itself. It defines you as a person. It separates you from the major of the population. You stand out when you tell people what type of career you are in.

You could call me lucky, persistent, or blessed, depending on how you want to look at it. Having faith in something even if you don’t know the outcome will test you and challenge you but if you truly want it, it will be worth the entire wait. I was born into aviation. Airplanes and aviation was something that was in my family. My dad has a long history with airplanes that goes back before I was born. At one point my Dad was a professional pilot. I remember him telling me stories when I was younger about flying over Lake Erie in the dead of winter in an old Beech18 in the middle of the night delivering freight. His route was from Youngstown, Ohio to Detroit, Michigan back to Youngstown while everyone else was sleeping. I have very fond memories growing up around airplanes. I knew right after my introduction lesson that I had a new appreciation towards life and also a new addiction that changed my perspective on how I viewed myself and the world in itself, flying soon would give me the confidence in myself that I was constantly seeking as a teenager. It made me “Stand” out in high school. I was referred as the kid who was taking flying lessons. One memory that stands out is when I was just a kid of eating breakfast out at the airport diner at the Wayne county airport with my dad and twin brother. Every Saturday morning my dad would take both my brother and I out to the airplane so we could watch airplanes take off and land.

Writing a memoir

I have finally made the commitment to write a memoir of my young aviation days..I figured its time I really connect with people with my words. Stay tuned as I post my writings on my blog.

Call it what you want..but I call it..

"You must first see your Self as worthy before you can see another as worthy. You must first see your Self as blessed before you can see another as blessed. You must first know your Self to be holy before you can acknowledge holiness in another"- Conversations with God

As we go through life we find ourselves having a need for people. We want to feel loved and accepted for who we are, even on our bad days when everything has gone wrong.We want to fall asleep at night knowing we have "someone" in our life who we call important. I have finally realized in my life that there is a fine line between when to care and when not to care for someone elses needs. There is also a huge difference between caring for someone and caring about someone. Knowing the difference between the two is important. When you dont know how to tell the difference between the two, and your caring for someone crosses the line, this is what we call "Codependency." Just google the word and you will find yourself with abundance of things to read.

As I travel down this journey called "Life" I've learned that this is one thing that I have struggled with through out my teens and mid twenties and I am finally learning how to change the behaviors. My "need" for people as been a little unhealthy. As my best friend says I have what is called the "Cinderella Syndrome" I have a tendency to find members of the opposite sex who, lets just say have more baggage than what is needed for the trip.. Dont get me wrong, we all have bags to check at the airport but some bags need to be left at home As I have been focusing on myself lately these past few months I have realized that all of my past relationships have been with females travel with too many bags. This is where the Cinderella Syndrome comes in to play. I want to make them feel better, when in reality I am not meeting my own needs. I want to "fix" them, but fail every time .Every relationship I have been in has been with someone who needs to leave their bags at home. Now that I know this about myself, its been a battle within myself to change these nasty habits. Bad habits die hard. This personal growth hasnt been an easy thing for me. I used to blame things on myself and I would be a "victim" I am here for myself and to take care of myself. I am in control of my thoughts and emotions. I no longer blame my thoughts and feelings on a certian person or certian events in my life. We all want to make other people feel good about themselves, but when you are constantly trying to make other people feel good rather than yourself, you start to feel feelings of resentment. It has been a painful process learning about my own needs and values instead of what everyone else wants. You can call it whatever you want, but I call it codependency issues.

I didnt need to "fix" someone who was abused in their past. I didn't need to fix someone who was half deaf. I didnt need to fix someone who was unable to have children, All I can do is fix myself. Call it what you want but I have accepted myself and I am an amazing person. Call it cocky, or call it alittle self confidence but my life is amazing.I have accomplished things in my life at the age of 26 that many people who havent. When you finally accept who you are your life really does just fall in to place. You stop worrying about the past, or the future and you just live for one day at a time. Yes I could die tomorrow and thats okay with me. When you accept you you are, you are no longer afraid to die. My energy will just continue on. Until recent events I never took the time to make my own self happy. There are many things in my life that make me happy. These are what I call self truths.

Self Truths.
1. I find happiness in myself when I watch the sunrise on the beach. It puts perspective in my life about whats important.
2. I love my family more than they know. They shaped me into who I am..in this moment..right here..right now.
3. My dad will always be one of the best men I know.
4. I love that I am an approachable person.
5. I am a great person who only wants the best out of myself and the people around him.
6. I will not compare myself to anyone else. I am my own person who is unique.
7. I will not live in the past..nor will i live in the future. God gave us the moments right now to create our reality.
8. I make a great best friend, who else could you call at 3 am when you need to talk to someone. My phone is always on.
9. I am and always be a passionate and sensitive person and there is nothing wrong with that.
10. I finally love myself.


I'll end this with a prayer..
I pray for you that you have the ability to find the courage in our life to look deep within to find yourself. I pray for you to challenge yourself in ways you never thought you could. I pray for you to find your own happiness. Life really is amazing. Whatever struggles you are facing with, I pray you have the strength to over come them. You are an amazing person and you have every right to think that about yourself.

Lovers and Strangers.

We go through life itching for relationships. We look for people to challenge us. We look for people to help us grow, either through best friends or on a intimate level. We're always on the hunt to find someone to call our other half. Once we find that we call that "Fate" Fate works in funny ways and brings people into our lives when we least expect it. You could be having a horrible time in your life, and you meet that person. Fate follows you around everywhere you go, sometimes it catches you when you least expect it. You are out with your friends and you notice "them" across the room. Afraid to do anything, you remain silent. You keep eying each other, checking out each other, waiting for the first person to make a move. The move is made and the game has begun. They are approaching you with the first thing you notice, the smile.. "Hello" They say as your heart skips a beat. Instantly you feel a connection with that person, something on a deeper level that you have never experienced before. The more you are finding out about this person, the more your thoughts start racing "I have never met someone like you before" I feel like I've known you my whole life" The energy between the two came together. You feel the passion between eachother. Everybody is giving off enegery, both postive and negative engery. We attract things in to our lives through our energy. When the energy comes together between two people, the process is called falling in love. Love is one of the greatest human emotions two people can experience together. It makes you feel like you could jump off that bridge and surive the fall. Love gives people hope that tomorrow will be a better day. Love makes you feel like everything is going to be okay. Everyone has their own idea of what love is. To some people, love is a feeling, and when that feeling fades, they jump, itching to find that feeling with someone else. They will always be jumpers, until the wake up and realize their pattern. Many people are jumpers, I've been a jumper and I am sure you have too. Over the many years I have often wondered since love is one of the greatest human emotions to feel, why do lovers turn in to strangers? Take a look at your past relationships and you tell me if that person is still your love, or a stranger. They are probably a stranger. I mean how akward is it when you bump into a old lover and you dont know what to say. Its sad to think that two people shared such an amazing bond. Now they are both "Ghosts" I call it the ghost of a good thing. The song and dance we do with relationships is something that I have a hard time wrapping my head around. When we get into relationships, we get oursleves into a power struggle that often kills the game, or kills the love between two people. What I dont understand, and if you find the answers please tell me because. I dont understnad that your best friend can throw a book at you and smack you across the face.It will hurt like hell at first but we apoligize. No harm, no faul. We can forgive our best friend but how dare we if we say something that is offending to a lover, or vise versa we are crushed and have a hard time getting over it. Once I think I have something figured out, I am constantly reminded that this game of "Life" is just a growing process.

Simple words connecting thought..

We all want to feel accepted on this journey we call life. Why is it that the opposite of acceptance is the word, rejection. Why is rejection such a bitter pill to swallow sometimes for so many people. No body wants to feel rejected, it goes back to the whole "everybody wants to feel accepted mindset" I believe that we all need to face rejection every once in a while. When we are rejected from a well paying job or a relationship it knocks us down a notch, after all we aren't invisible are we? True colors shine through when we are rejected. Maybe after all we arent as perfect as we thought we were. Maybe were not as confident as we thought, or just maybe..were not as attractive as we thought. The wonderful thing with rejection is we have the ablity to turn it into a positive situation. No body likes to suffer, atleast I havent met someone that enjoys suffering. Once we are knocked down a notch we can now focus on what we need to change about ourselves. Personal growth always happens when we are at our darkest hour. We can do two things with being rejected. We can accept the fact that we are humans and work on chaning ourselves or we can sit and wallow in the self doubt of "im never good enough belief. The hell with the laddder of the two. The thing is we are good enough. When we do have a sense of rejection its at that time when we have to look ourselves in the mirror and ask ourselves what the hell is going on with myself. I dont know about you but I am a focused person. I have goals and with those goals I get what I set forward to achieve. If I want something I will find a way to get what I want but sometimes the there is nothing else we can do but face the reality of being rejected. The good old saying is the truth "what wont kill you will only make you stronger"Amen, even though I thought my life was ending, I am alive and taking breath after breath. When was the last time you were rejected? How did you handle it? did you believe you werent good enough or do you have faith in yourself to dust yourself off and keep on going..

A moment can change everything

Welcome inside my mind. Buckle up and enjoy the ride. This is a forewarning that anything goes here. You have been given free will, this is your choice to read my thoughts and how I view the world and I really dont care what you think. Thats one of the greatest things in life is Free Will If I offend you in anyway so be it. I am going to post things/topics that are going to make you question things, make you laugh, make you upset, make you feel alive and ultimately make a difference in your life. That is why I am here after all. I will be discussing, religion, spirituality, relationships, etc..

Have you ever had one of those moments where you ask yourself how in the hell did I get to where I am? And you scratch your head and wonder where to go from here? I have been asking myself that question lately over and over again and I am actually finding the answers I have been looking for quiet some time now. After all, I should of just listened to my dad more and more and I wouldnt be in this mess. My Doc tells me that I am the kind of person that I have to touch the stove to see if its hot. Even if you see the blue flame, you still have to touch it. I am now to the point where I dont have to touch the flame to see if its hot.

I believe that we attract certain things into our life by the Law of Attraction, both positive and negative situations. We are attracted to the things we think about. There are really only two core emotions in life. Happy emotions and Sad emotions, yes there are emotions that fall under these to emotions but there are just two. If you really think about it, the law of attraction is everywhere. The Law of Attraction basically says that humans are like magnets and what we put out into this universe will come right back to ourselves. If someone is constantly viewing life as negative then more negative thoughts will be created. I was once a product of negative thinking until ultimately it bite me in the ass, and it bit really hard but I still have been gifted enough that I can find the humor in messy situtations that life brings us.I cant imagine going through life unable to laugh. I have to say its funny when everyone knows me, knew me as a negative person. When you have a "ah ha, come to jesus meeting" it changes the way you look at life and people dont know how to handle the new person. Life really is amazing, it just shows that we are the one who are in control of our thoughts. No body else is.

I did not believe in the Law of Attraction until recent events took place in my life.I hated my job, I found every way to focus on the negative aspects of my job instead of being grateful that I do have a job, a job that I do love. How many people can say they have fullfillment in their job? Not alot. I thought I had it all. I thought I found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I put my heart, my soul and my tears into the relationship and to sum it up, I just didnt have my shit together. You put in a relationship and thats what you get out of the relationship.

If you put feelings of joy, love, happines in the relationship the relationship will grow. Too many peole fall under the catergoy that I fall under sometimes. I put a lot of worry, doubt and negativity in the relationship and it failed. We all worry find ourselves worrying about if we will be " Good enough" That right there is a self doubt. The more you have self doubt, the more worry you will receive. One of the greatest things in life is that we are all given opportunity to be a better person. We let ourselves go so much, we never seem to hold ourselves up to a high standard. When a door closes another one opens. I am not saying we will ever get back together, that is not up to me but I do know that I am a happy, whitty, and confident person I think she can see the growth also in myself. I do miss my best friend. She taught me how to love someone unconditonally and she taught me what it feels like to have your heart ripped out from your chest. No hard feelings though. If this ever of happend, I would of never of had the come to jesus meeting. When reality hits, it hits at full force and there is no stopping it. Its just like gravity. You can throw yourself off a bridge, but we all know what is going to happen next. One of the biggest things that was hard to learn was that you cant make someone love you. She is now the ghost of a good thing.Unconditional love is about making your other half happy, even if hurts yourself in the process. Her wish was granted she wanted out.

This is just the begining of the journey, Follow me along through this spirtiual journey I have found myself on. Life really is amazing. Life really is what you make it out to be. Ask Believe Receive.